RE-LOAD! RE-LOAD!

Tuesday, November 1, 2022  9:31 am 

Hello, Faithful Readers, if I have any at all...

Good morning! It's November 1, which means TWO MONTHS left to 2022. Holy crap.

Alright. 

Deep breath.

So, I'm going to try something here. I seem to have been floundering of late - and by late, I mean for several months it seems, arguably even a couple years - so I'm going to try and "re-set" myself, if possible.

Hell, it seems like I'm ALWAYS trying to re-set myself. Or re-group.

Or more to the point, I'm always trying to get my shit together. And this is yet another attempt, or perhaps just another step in a long on-going process.

9:46 am

Of course, I'm trying to do a few things simultaneously.

That's part of my problem, not focusing on one thing. 

Anyway, I'm re-heating leftover Chinese food for breakfast; Chinese food on Halloween is a tradition in our house. Also, putting some things in the washer. Plus, I have to take care of some bank stuff, so i need to get out of the house relatively soon. Ugh. I want to/have to do too many things at once and I don't want to take the time to do any one thing.

Anyway, when October began I was very excited!

There are a number of art challenges for October, like, Inktober, Drawlloween, Jacktober (cartoonist Tom Scioli's tribute to Jack Kirby), and other invitations to draw something every day throughout the month. Every October I look forward to participating. And every October, I never follow through. 

And alas, October 2022 yielded the same lack of results and follow-thru on my part, dammit.

So, now what?

Well, screw it. As I occasionally, and accurately, say, my motto is "Better late than never."

Although it seems like my motto is more accurately, "That's never happening."

Well, fuck that shit.

Embracing the idea that the process of making deadlines is a discipline that has to be developed, my first step is simply doing things, finishing things, actually following through on my creative ideas, and timeliness be fucking damned (for now).

Stating this out loud is part of that process as well. 

Also, with two months left in the year, maybe I'll motivate myself to actually finish something before 2022 ends as opposed to just adding that idea(s) to my 2023 (or fill in whatever appropriate year) Goal List, like I usually do EVERY New Year.

Okay.

To be continued and updated with progress reports, either here or on my other blogs (but I'll let you know if that's the case).

Optimistically, desperately, and nervously...

Terry

JANUARY 2022: Trying To Get My Shit Together, As Per Usual

Wednesday, January 5, 2022. 10:35 am

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And we're already at Day 5 into 2022...

I have the day off and I'm trying to get shit done. What else is new?

The New Year is always a mix of Great News and Miserable News.

For me, the Great News is that it's a (totally arbitrary) Brand New Start to life, goals, etc. It's arbitrary because I can start anew any day I want, but emotionally it makes sense because we organize time into various units and a year is one such fabulous unit. Also, "years" tend to take on a persona (rightly or wrongly) and the last couple years have been maligned with Covid, lockdowns, political fighting, social media antagonism, etc., etc., etc. Not that that has changed at all with the changing of a single day by going from December 31, 2021 into January 1, 2022, but there is also the social habit of wanting to change for the better when we go into a New Year, so I'm riding along with that tradition and universal hope.

Having said that, almost every single goddamn January I'm mostly just updating the previous year's resolutions by changing the year at the top of the list from the previous year to the current year and everything else pretty much remains the same. This year is pretty much no different.

Still, I remain hopeful.

Prior to the end of 2021, I started working on a comic book story with the anxious ambition of publishing a comic for the first time ever in 2022.

Unfortunately, I've tried to do this before in 2020 and 2021, working on a story for a quite a bit of time and then getting depressed at being unable to satisfactorily complete the plot or writing aspect to my amorphous, instinctive but inscrutable standards. But, dammit, I'm determined this time around!

But wasn't I also last time and the time before that and...? 

So... we'll see.

As of now, the story I'm working on is QUARANDREAMS, "The Plot Sickens."

I'm currently envisioning it to be part of a comic called, A FISTFUL OF THIS, An Impulsive Anthology #1: "Now What??" The QUARANDREAMS story is the main story but there may be additional pages to supplement it or break up the main story between (possible) chapters.

Right now, I have ideas for various comics titles. A FISTFUL OF THIS is my anthology/catch all title for miscellaneous story ideas that may not be part of a continuing title, like my ideas for: a funny animal series featuring a core group of cat characters plus additional members of an ensemble; a comic with stories of luchadors and luchadoras; and maybe others. but QUARANDREAMS itself a possible series of stories anchored in a dream setting, and that's the only consistent aspect from story to story, not necessarily having a single character anchoring the series.

A FISTFUL OF THIS is also my attempt to "expunge" my fascination with 60s/70s underground comics. Expunge or, perhaps, more accurately, tap into my fascination. We'll see.

Anyway, that's what I'm working on today, that and doing domestic chores, plus waiting for my car to be fixed/inspected...

More to come.

11:27 am

Oh!

I also need to really shore up my blogging efforts.

Not only write and publish more posts regularly (or at all, the hell!), I was at work and during lunch, I impulsively decided t check out one of my own blogs and I was reading one of my posts, and holy crap! Did it need editing! It was unbelievably redundant within the single post. I mean, I tend to be repetitive as it is from post to post because I never seem to progress forward but that's another problem!

Meanwhile: OMG! I just looked up some past posts on my comics/art blog to link to the above paragraph and holy hell, my posts are just a rambling mess. This idea of editing my blog posts is going to be a nightmare if I follow through on it. Well, I'll try to write more clearly at least with newer posts... I mean, one can hope..!

So, anyway, starting this month I hope to also address that blogging issue...

Ugh.

Too much crap to do.

Alright, I gotta eat breakfast and feed the birds, dammit.

Oh! And ALSO:

37 DAYS UNTIL I'M 62! (February 11)

CRIPES.

Oh, considering it's January of a New Year,I suppose I should talk a bit about my actual 2022 Resolutions.

Well, let's see what I intended to work on in 2021, shall we?:

Color legend: 2021 / January 2022 commentary

Blogging:

1. 50,000 words and/or 6 posts per blog for the year.

Okay, I "achieved" the latter part of this goal - 6 posts per blog - but not really. Oh, no... in fact it's a TOTAL LIE.

On the last day of 2021, I pretty much fudged enough posts per each of my three main blogs to SAY I had at least 6 posts each in 2021. Some posts didn't even have content, just a temporary title, like "Post 3", "Post 4," etc.

So, I'm trying to at least flesh out these bogus posts this month. If I manage to do that, I'll actually have done more blogging this month than I did all last year. And even this post is one for the new year, so... yay!

Meanwhile, the cumulative 50,000 word goal is a shout-out to NaNoWriMo. I figure I'd try to make word goal in a year, because I know I won't make it in a month. I've still yet to do that.

Health:

1. Don't eat after midnight.

Uh, I forgot I made this an actual goal. I can't really say I stuck to it, although, I don't think I really broke this simple "Gremlins" rule... well, not a lot... well, not... oh, never mind.

2. Try to sleep 5 hours a night.

My sleeping habits blow. They totally, TOTALLY suck. But, I think I've slept a little better since Covid has happened. Partly because I worked less hours sometimes, so I slept in more on my days off, but in the last quarter of the year, I started getting more shifts where I started work at 9:30 am, so by default, i slept a little longer on days i worked. Comparatively longer to what i was doing before when I was starting a lot of shifts at 7:00 or 7:30 am. Having said that, i still need to improve my sleep routine: make it more consistent and not go to bed as late.

3. Try to reach my daily step goal.

I wasn't able to consistently reach my step goal daily, specifically on days I wasn't working. But I usually killed it on those days I did work. So, according to my Vivofit watch and Garmin, my highest daily goal was like 15,500, but my average actual steps daily for the year was over 24,000 steps, from that perspective, I did okay. Having said that, I'm going to try and reach my daily step goal on those days I'm off.

4. Lumosity every day.

I really didn't play Lumosity that much for long stretches of the year, so I was very inconsistent. But I think I've done much better in the last quarter of the year.

Self-improvement:

1. Read a book a month.

God, I don't think I read ANY books in 2021. I read a couple books in 2020 (seriously, just 2-3), but I guess the "habit" didn't take...

2. Try to learn Spanish.

That's a big NO.

3. Learn more American history.

Also, a big NO.

4. Try to volunteer for something.

No. I really suck. Okay, in December I helped a friend ONE day who's been spending her year emptying the crap from the house of her mom - who was a serious hoarder - and I hope to help her again soon.

5. Try my hand at writing essays.

NO on that, too.

Maintenance:

1. Try to get down to 100 e-mails in my inbox by the end of January 2022.

So, in February 2021, I had 54,000+ e-mails. Yeah, I know, I know! I'm just bad news all the way around. For about a month, I was deleting 1000 e-mails a week, and I got to under 50,000 but that habit did not last and as of 1/6/22, I'm back up to: 53,751 e-mails. Also, I set my deadline for the end of January 2022 because I think I was figuring a goal of deleting 1000 e-mails a week and the math took me to the end of Jan. '22.

Creative goals:

1. Start my website.

NO, but I really plan to do it this year.

2. Earn $100/month through my art.

NO, and by my own accounting, expenses vs, earning money doing art, and there really weren't many transactions either way, I wound up at ($ -16.26) for the year

Be better about keeping in touch with people.

NO. I should be doing MUCH better at this. This is a permanent NYResolution. I did see a couple high school classmates in October. Haven't seen them since 2018. Occasionally e-mailed one of them, but really need to be more regular about this in general. Anyway, that was the GOOD news.

Thursday, January 6, 3:01 pm

NOTE: Man, everything takes forever!

I've been slowly editing and updating this post after I decided to add my 2021 New year's Resolutions to it and that turned out to be more work than I expected. I'm still not done, but I have other crap I really need to get to, so, I guess i'm working on my new habit of working on projects and chipping away at them every day until they're finally done.

ADDITIONAL 2021 GOALS/RESOLUTIONS:

Yeah! I was wondering where all my CREATIVE goals, etc. were! Not that I actually DID any of them..! Anyway, there's some repetition here, so I'll delete what we've covered already.

1. JANUARY 2022:

        A. By JANUARY 31, 2022, reduce my e-mail inbox to under a 100.

NOTE: (2/7/21) Well, like THIS is going to happen. As of today, I'm at 54,000+ e-mails in my inbox.

2. HEALTHY CRAP:

        A. Drink a bottle of water a day.

Not really.

3. BRAIN CRAP:

        A. Learn the word a day from dictionary.com:

                i. Write a flash short story using the words (once a week?) (50-100 words).

BIG NO.

4. WRITING GOALS:

        A. Write a public blog post every week.

"Public" because I also have a private blog that sort of acts as my diary. I actually manage to keep up with that pretty well. The public blog, not so much.

        B. Publish 50,000 words total (at least).

I think I did pretty well in 2020, and even then, I only managed 20,746 words. In 2018, I think I fared the best, over 29,000 words. But, I think i'm going to drop this resolution for 2022 and focus on 6 posts per blog, because that seems to be more practical and I'm still having trouble accomplishing that one.

        C. Write the first draft to a screenplay (short or feature).

NO.

        D. Write a feature screenplay.

HELL, NO.

5. FREELANCE ART GOALS:

        A. Start a website.

        B. Overhaul my portfolio.

                i. Online version.

                ii. Physical version.

        C. Start TABLE SCRAPS as a webcomic.

        D. Start and Finish my ACC story.

        E. Self-publish a 24 page (at least) comic.

        F. Learn how to add half-tones to my artwork.

        G. Learn how to add color to my line art.

        H. Assemble my drawing table.

NOTE: (2/7/21) H should probably be A, you think?

Cutting to the chase, I did NONE OF THESE. They're still excellent goals, though, so I'll move them over to 2022.

---------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, January 7, 1:57 am

That's right, I started this post back in November - before Thanksgiving, even! - initially just to write down some ideas for my New Year's Resolutions.

I've updated the list anew in a separate post in my writing blog:

2021 RESOLUTION FODDER:

Blogs:

    - 50,000 words total over from the three main blogs.

    - 6 new posts per blog.

    - Write a really short story a week using at least 5 new words.

Comics:

    - Make an 8 page mini-comic.

    - 8-page comic remake of "Karen's Dilemma!"

    - Do THE CAT'S MEOW.

    - ACC comic story (at least 12 pages).

    - SWAMP SQUAD OF THE DEAD comic adaptation

    - Self-publish a comic book (24 page minimum)

    - Start doing a web-comic (TABLE SCRAPS, anything) for my new website.

    - Work on a story at least 30 minutes a day. Just keep whacking away at it.

    - Do at least a new comics page per month.

Art:

    - Do Pete G's painting (this project and THE CAT'S MEOW outdate even my ACC comic story goal: both are from the 80s)

    - Draw Every Day:

        a. At least 15 minutes! 

        b. Even a stick figure! 

        c. Continue working on a WIP. Just do SOMETHING!

    - Portfolio/"Fan art" posters/etc.:

        a. A CHRISTMAS MONSTROSITY (color version)

        b. SNOW SHARK

        c. 2 other Sam Qualiana movies/DVD posters/covers

        d. 1 Beaver Alley Studios poster.

    - "Interior artwork": JOURNEY OF THE AVENGER - 3 pieces.

NOTE: (2/7/21) Thought about this yesterday, but I really should start keeping a regular sketchbook. So, add that to the list.

Filmmaking:  

    - Write a feature length screenplay.

    - Write first draft for PM screenplay.

    - Finish editing BLIND DATE WITH THE BEAST

    - Director's Cut of I CAME TO BURY DADDY

    - Director's Cut of THE CASE OF THE MISPLACED HERRING  

    - Make a movie, short or feature.

Self-employment goals:

    - Set up my website.

    - Start posting art on my instagram account (at least monthly)

    - Try to earn $100/month via my art, etc. (ie. create product, etc.)

        a. Create a T-shirt design, etc./month at Society6

        b. Self-publish some comics to sell online or in person at local comic shops

Reading:

    - Read a book a month.

    - Read a graphic novel/TPB a week.

Self-improvement/Better health:

    - Hit my daily steps goal.

    - Drink a bottle of water a day.

    - Don't eat after midnight.

    - Sleep 5 or more hours a night.

    - Play Lumosity every day.

Monday, January 24, 12:56 pm

Also, found this in my private diary, from July 25, 2021, while finally getting around to proofreading my July posts:

Meanwhile, idle thoughts: 

Habits to get into:

1. Post a new drawing on Deviant Art account weekly.

2. Fan Art Fridays, Instagram.

3. Work on THE CAT'S MEOW.

    A. Layout page 1 and 2. 

    B. Pencil those two pages before seeing Steve?

    C. Rough layout of whole story before seeing Steve?

4. Read and review/give feedback on:

    A. TOMB OF DRACULA

    B. SAVAGE DRAGON

    C. FEARLESS DAWN

    D. Warren magazines.

    E. Skywald magazines.

    F. Warrant magazines.

Comics I want to create - 1 or more issues:

1. SUPER SHLUMP

2. TABLOID TOWN:

    A. Jheena the Jungle Fury

    B. El Masko

    C. Rumble at the Day Care

3. STELLARA ULTRANOVA

4. (COUNTESSA) DEMONIKA

5. ULKRYNN, PREHISTORIC CYBORG

6. TABLE SCRAPS

7. A FISTFUL OF THIS

8. ACCC COMIC

9. (DARK) DIMENSIONS ANTHOLOGY (inc. THE CAT'S MEOW)

Post 6

Post 5

An attempt at "Re-Branding"? Also, playing some blogging catch up...

Tuesday, November 1, 2022  12:33 pm

[NOTE: Originally I posted this in 2021, but I really didn't write anything in the actual post, so I'm trying to address that now. Sorry for the confusion.] 

I haven't really posted much on my blogs in any meaningful way, and I'm thinking perhaps I should do some overhauling of already posted material and also trying to apply myself more meaningfully in terms of creating new content. Ooh! I think there's some blogging/social media buzz words to terms I'm using there. But, that may be it. I think I pretty much overstayed my welcome in terms of seeming up-to-date social media-wise.

But seriously, since I have these blogs, I figured I should actually use it or otherwise maybe get rid of them. Or if not that, at least formerly stop using them, but I haven't gotten to that point yet.

As I mentioned in this post, October turned out to be disappointing creative output-wise, but I'm not going to not roll over and whine, but hopefully push myself to get going and use the these last couple months to have some kind of output for 2021.

In connection with that, besides trying to follow through on new projects, I'm also trying to see if i can clean up some old loose ends. This blog is one of those loose ends. I impulsively published some posts on the last day of 2021 in order to improve my post count for the year, with the intention of filling in the actual content to the posts later... but not eleven months later! However, since I seem to be operating under the philosophy of "Better late than never," I'll take what I can get and just try to plow ahead, the heck.

Regarding the idea of "re-branding", I think in order for that to have any sort of meaning for myself and specifically these blogs, I need to start posting some stuff (well, duh!), but I think I could also edit some of my earlier posts as well, like reviews and stuff. So, I think I need to do some overhauling. Arguably, it'll make this/these blogs (um, in case there's confusion as to what blogs I'm talking about, I'm referring to my main three: this one (A Rambling Wastrel, I); my film blog; and my art/comics blog) more reader friendly? Arguably..?

*frowns* 

*growls quietly but critically*

APRIL 15, 2021: A WORK-IN-PROGRESS

Friday, April 15, 2022  10:55 am

[NOTE/DISCLAIMER: I originally published this post on the last day of 2021 in a desperate attempt to make my “statistics” look better, i.e. have more posts for the year. I was only at 2 posts for 2021 and I wanted to have at least six. So I simply added four more posts with titles but no actual content. Well, I’m finally getting around to writing something three and a half months into the year...]

As I write this, I’m staying at home trying to get better after I tested positive for Covid-19 on Wednesday, April 13. I mostly have cold/flu-like symptoms.

I’m. typing this from my iPad which. I don’t usually. Use. Except it seems. To keep dropping periods. Here and there... WTF!? I may have to leave. The comfort. Of this couch and work. At my computer down in the basement.

UGH.

I’ll be. Back.

Sunday, June 12, 4:06 pm

Two months later, yet...

Yeah, I don't know what the hell was going on with my iPad back in April, but if I remember correctly, that whole issue of it dropping periods arbitrarily as I typed eventually got sorted out the same day. Maybe I shut-off and re-started my iPad to fix it? Whatever. It works now.

Anyway, I'm off today and trying to catch up on some household chores and then try to do some drawing if possible. We'll see how that goes.

2021 RESOLUTIONS

Wednesday, December 23, 2020 1:57 am

Blogging:

1. 50,000 words and/or 6 posts per blog for the year.

Health:

1. Don't eat after midnight.

2. Try to sleep 5 hours a night.

3. Try to reach my daily step goal.

4. Lumosity every day.

Self-improvement:

1. Read a book a month.

2. Try to learn Spanish.

3. Learn more American history.

4. Try to volunteer for something.

5. Try my hand at writing essays.

Maintenance:

1. Try to get down to 100 e-mails in my inbox by the end of January.

Creative goals:

1. Start my website.

2. Earn $100/month through my art.

Be better about keeping in touch with friends.

QUARANDREAMS

Sunday, January 24, 10:26 am

I don't often seem to dream (or at least, not that I remember), probably because I have such terrible, terrible sleep habits.

But one of the few positive things about 2020 was a long stretch where I only worked 24 hours a week, so I was sleeping in more often and I did seem to dream more then usual. Although, sometimes I'd only vaguely remember the act of dreaming and not any of the actual dream, which was sad because I always enjoy these mysterious nocturnal adventures.

Anyway, earlier this week I had a pretty interesting dream. Of course, elements of it made no sense logically...

It was a summer day and I went into a bank to do some transaction. The next thing I know, I'm walking back from the bank teller and going to a waiting area where there are other customers sitting around waiting. I didn't do what I went in for and I don't remember any actual conversation with a teller. After a few seconds of waiting, I hear this commotion and turn around and this young guy, casually dressed, walks into the lobby area from inside the bank and he has a gun. He's also on his cellphone and he looks stressed and pissed.

"Where are you?! You're supposed to be here by now!"

He continues his conversation with his apparent accomplice, distracted from the apparent bank robbery they both were supposed to carry out. As he barks further into his phone, I notice there's a large tray (about 2'x3') sitting on a central table and it's filled with taco fixings: with rows of hard shells, lettuce, beef, tomatoes, salsa, etc. And, I realized part of the robber's scheme was to enter the bank as some food delivery dude.

As I'm focused on the food, the would-be bank robber finally gives up on his conversation with his would-be partner and simply storms off out of the bank with no explanation.

After a moment of consideration (not a long moment), I immediately make a taco.

Then I exit the bank, taco in hand and my mouth full, and my wife is standing on the sidewalk waiting for me and she looks at me, confused. I helpfully explain: "There was an attempted bank robbery and the guy brought tacos!"

I don't remember actually carrying out the transaction I originally went in there for.

Originally posted on my Facebook page, 1/24/21

COUNTDOWN TO 60!

Wednesday, January 15, 11:15 am

27 DAYS UNTIL I'M 60!

Uh, yay.
Okay, let's just cut to the chase.
I've been simultaneously thinking about (and obsessively so) about doing this comic strip/comic book idea called DREGS, a sci-fi fantasy concept featuring a trio of friends, especially a heroine named Stellara Ultranova AND really not doing anything constructive at all, at least not in any meaningful way, just dragging my ass around to work and then back home and being glued to the internet pointlessly. So: I'm obsessed with accomplishing one thing and yet, mind-blowingly, doing NOTHING to accomplish this goal. And... that's where I seem to be in life right now.
But, Time waits for no man, and in less than four weeks, I'll be sixty fucking years old.
Dude, what the hell.

I need to get serious.
If I want to start accomplishing the various creative goals I have, if I want to start accomplishing the various household goals I have, I need to GET OFF MY ASS AND START WORKING ON IT!
Okay.
I have to go to work today at 2:30 pm. So, I have a couple of hours to get some shit done at home before I leave. I'll be back.

12:15 pm

- Fed the birds.
- Cleared the sink, washed the dishes.
- Put two of the comforters in the washer.

1:51 pm

- Put the Christmas stuff back up in the attic.
- Re-set the two mouse traps in the attic.
- Dried the comforters and put them back on the couch.

...And, time to go to work.

Friday, January 17, 10:34 am

25 DAYS UNTIL I'M 60!

2:15 pm

Man, I wanted to do a bunch of stuff today- hell, I NEEDED to do a bunch of stuff today! - but I'm getting off-track. Okay, I just stuck a bunch of clothes in the washer and I called Excelsior Orthopedics about a prescription that I thought was going to be waiting for me, but my pharmacy had no record of it. So, I'm waiting on a call back for that. But, there's litter boxes and etc. that I have to do that I'm desperately putting off. So, I'm going to INCENTIVIZE!

If I do the litter boxes and etc., I'm eating that damn donut I bought last night. SMALL CONFESSION: I bought TWO donuts last night after work and ate one on the way home. I don't care! It was fucking cold working outside yesterday and I came in two and a half hours earlier than scheduled to help out and I WANTED A DONUT AS A REWARD!

So... nyahh!

4:19 pm

Half-way there, dammit.

I cleaned up the cat shit, but still have to do the litter boxes.

Did some incidental moving and cleaning while sweeping up all the crap in the various spots and nooks on the floor the cat found to crap on.

C'mon, Kimmel! You're almost there!

(Man, what a lame-o for these ridiculous "self-pep-talks"..!) 

(But, on the other hand, if these goofy, mundane self-pep-talks somehow get me motivated, even a little, even partially (to be accurate), well, who am I to say anything..?)

(but seriously, what a lame-o!)

Tuesday, January 21, 3:11 pm

21 DAYS UNTIL I'M 60!

I have the day off and I'm just not accomplishing as much as I'd like. Trying to get my focus back here. Okay, okay, okay.

First, let's tackle the kitchen sink upstairs. At least I've been doing some of the laundry (thank god for machines who actually do the work...).

Sunday, February 2, SUPER BOWL SUNDAY, 11:21 am

9 DAYS UNTIL I'M 60!

Alright, I'm not really a big football fan, but I do know today is Super Bowl Sunday.

Meanwhile, this week has been eventful: I found out I have a hernia so I'll be having an operation to correct that later in the spring AND my car had to go in the shop because the brake line went. Yes!

Thursday, February 6, 8:24 am

5 DAYS UNTIL I'M 60!

OMG, I'm tired!
I have to work today from 3:00 until closing.
I got up early though to clear off Amy's car from snow. It snowed last night, and we knew it was coming, but it didn't come when we thought it was gonna, so when we went to bed, the ground was snow-free and nothing in the air.
This morning, there was snow on the cars and ground, and the plow came at some point and cleared the best he could of our driveway, even though I didn't park behind my wife's car like I usually do.
Well, I cleared the car, I fed the cats, I fed the birds and now I'm pooped.
The hell. My life is too damn exciting.

Alright, I'm gonna eat breakfast. Try and stop me...if you dare!

Friday, February 7, 3:36 pm

4 DAYS UNTIL I'M 60!

Oh, man, what a lazy day.
I have today and tomorrow off. And it turned out to be a snow day for my wife!
Anyway, I stayed up late last night. I closed yesterday at work and when I got home after 11:00 pm, I finished watching THE LAST JEDI on Disney+, and then I impulsively watched GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY in its entirety, too. So, I went to bed LATE, like after 4:00.
So, I was a little tired when I woke up at 9:30 this morning. And I haven't really done too much of anything. About the only constructive thing I did was take care of some financial crap. I put some money in the savings and also gave some money to my wife to pay for my video camera I bought over the summer. Now that I'm back to working more like 35 hrs a week (after having my hours reduced over the holidays because more college students were home, so they were looking for hours, if that makes sense), I'm trying to focus on building up our savings, especially since the last two weeks has been: a plumbing bill, having a new sump pump installed, and fixing my brake lines.
But, now... I'm going to try and see if I can clean out our utility room and put in some new shelving units. We bought two new sets from Sam's Club and the new shelves are twice as wide as the old ones, so that should help our storage and organizing issues in the utility room considerably.
Okay, I'm off. We'll see how well this works out.

4:27 pm

Let's just try to work through this.
First, I have to clean the litter boxes downstairs. I've been putting this off for days. Ugh.
And then I have to drag those two boxes with the shelf units out of the car. They're a little heavy and we've left them in the car for a few days. UGH.

So, to re-iterate: GOALS for today:

1. Clean downstairs litter boxes. YES
2. Clean utility room to make room for shelving units.
3. Install at least ONE shelving unit.
4. Take BOTH shelving unit boxes out of my wife's car. YES
5. Clear off my bed so I can sleep on it tonight (I've been sleeping on the couch in the TV room for a couple months now, at least).
6. Fold underwear.
7. Wash darks.
8. Clear the sink. YES

I'll be back.

Saturday, February 8, 10:41 am

So, I have this new comic book obsession... even though I haven't done ANY significant work on:

1. My ACC story.
2. My DREGS idea.
3. Updating my portfolio.

Anyway, the new obsession is ULKRYN, PREHISTORIC CYBORG!

But, back to my list of crap to do from yesterday...

2. Clean utility room to make room for shelving units. YES
3. Install at least ONE shelving unit. YES
5. Clear off my bed so I can sleep on it tonight (I've been sleeping on the couch in the TV room for a couple months now, at least).
6. Fold underwear.
7. Wash darks.
8. DRAW.
9. Watch WILL O' THE WISP VERSION 4.

Sunday, February 9, 10:13 am

Well, That's a long list and I only did a couple things off it. Although, I actually set up BOTH shelving units and at this point right now, I'm in the process of re-putting stuff on them from the original, skinnier, wooden shelves that my dad had originally erected on the utility room wall, and also re-organizing the items that were stacked impulsively on the two smaller shelving units we happened to have that were stuck back in this cubby area of the utility room.
I put the second new unit in the cubby hole and I set up a work light as a semi-permanent light fixture for that area (because it is dark in there, let me tell you!, even when the general overhead light is on).
So, this morning I'm trying to wrap this re-organizing venture up before I have to go to work...
And speaking of work, it's snowing again! Oh, boy!

Also, I'm going to try and cross off a few more items on that list, if possible, before I leave today.
We'll see.

5. Clear off my bed so I can sleep on it tonight (I've been sleeping on the couch in the TV room for a couple months now, at least).
6. Fold underwear.
7. Wash darks.
8. DRAW.
9. Watch WILL O' THE WISP VERSION 4.

Friday, March 20, 3:33 pm

Holy FORTY DAYS later!
Much has happened since then. Well, not in terms of the above list...
Okay, at some point I did do laundry (items 6 and 7, natch!), and I watched WILL O' THE WASP.
But, I never reviewed it, like I said I was going to.

Sunday, September 13, 10:22 am

And much HAS happened but I never got around to saying anything about it.

So, I'll try to catch up a bit and then, make a point of wrapping this up and publishing it so that I can, theoretically, move on.

But first, breakfast! And blueberry waffles!

(Oh, I know how this goes... the next time I write it'll be after the election..!)

12:06 pm

Or not.

Yes, I'm back. For a little while. I'll probably be ping-ponging back and forth between here and various chores and activities.

Anyway, some catching up on major events...

The biggest thing I was alluding to was, well, of course, the Covid-19 pandemic. My wife stopped going to school the week of St Patrick's Day and she started teaching on-line from home around the same time. Shortly thereafter, I also had my hours at work reduced, by request (prompted by my wife, who said I was in the age range of people susceptible to Covid (young people and older people, natch!) so maybe I should take it a little easier work-wise). So, from working 35-40 hours a week, I went down to 24 hours a week. Specifically, I worked Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, starting in late March, I think (definitely by April) and I pretty much stayed on that schedule until mid-August. It was a nice surprise, too. Initially I changed my availability from five days to four days, but they (Amber, actually, who was writing the schedules at the time) was a real sweetheart (with front end manager Courtney's consent) decided to throw in a regular 3-day weekend, and boy, let me tell you, I got used to that schedule real fast! But, now we're back into "school season" and a number of the "Helping Hands" crew (NOTE: I mainly pull shopping carts at a major grocery store chain) is going back to school, so they asked if I wouldn't mind working some more hours to cover the lack of manpower, and I said, sure. So, I've been wotking 40 hours/week now. It kind of gradually worked that way up by circumstance, first 29 hours, then 32, and then the last couple weeks I've been at 40, and man, I'm definitely an old dude. After work I'm pretty much useless for a while when I get home. But, I also like the extra money again. And let me be clear, I'm really NOT complaining, because some other departments are actually cutting back on hours for some employees. I spoke to a guy in the produce department and he normally did 30 hours a week and now he's at 15. He said some people are at five hours! Holy crap. So, I'm just figuring the store is trying to deal with the way Covid has affected shopping and keeping things in stock and all the other factors that's affected business. So, due to my very specific circumstances, I'm very, VERY fortunate.

12:53 pm

I told you I'd be ping-ponging.

Actually I had to go to the bathroom, and then I went upstairs and I decided to wash the frying pans that were in the sink. So, I did that, and emptied the recycling and then discovered two pizza pans and a baking sheet that needed to be washed, of course. 

Anyway...

More ping-ponging...

2:00 pm

Hurrah.

I washed those pans, etc. and then did some much needed vacuuming of some stairways and the kitchen (ATTACK OF THE CAT-HAIR DUST-BUNNIES!) and then Swifter-mopped the kitchen. Alright!

I have some other chores I want to do still (like... I still never fully cleaned my bed, but I did finally clear a bunch of the crap off it (books, notebooks, art supplies, etc.), like recently (like, VERY recently)(like, last week, man, okay??? Cripes!), but now it has to be vacuumed because my cats have been partying on it over the several, several months, grrrr!), but at least that's off my back.

Oh! And while re-reading this and also doing some editing and adding on, it occurred to me that despite this blog-post's title, I didn't even acknowledge my turning 60 back in February. 

Well... I did! 

And I am! Still, even!

So, as I mentioned, I think on my other two blogs, or at least one of them, or maybe I mentioned it but didn't actually publish those posts yet... anyway... yeah, so I'm 60. And I'm going to refer to myself as a SEXAGENARIAN, because I not only am one, but man, it sounds way more cooler than "I'm a sixty-year-old."

But, holy crap. I AM sixty years old.

And, though I've done some things worth noting (I think) that I've accomplished so far in my six decades meandering along and about on this planet, there are so many creative plans and ambitions that I've thought about and even obsessed about at times yet, I never followed through on. So... what the heck???

Yeah, so in my mind, I'm declaring my sixties, my "sexagenarian years," as an attempt to reclaim some of my creative youth from my 20s. 

Meaning what?

Well, simply, I'm hoping to create more, actually follow through on some ideas. That's it.

Now, having said that... holy crap. So far this year I've got dick to show for all that "declaration."

I had more spare time... and I didn't create more artwork. 

I had more consecutive days off... and I didn't write the first draft to a screenplay. 

I've felt more mortal than ever not because of age but because some friends I knew passed away over the past few months, people I thought I'd see face-to-face again, let alone communicate in some way, via phone or e-mail, whatever. And even those terribly sad reminders of how freaking and abruptly finite our life is hasn't been an adequate motivator yet to kick my ass into producing ANYTHING.

So, I'm kind of feeling miserable, pathetic and desperate today.

I HAVE to move forward on something.

Like, maybe I'll publish this blog post finally.

Okay, let's go with that.

And then, ooh! THEN, I'll annoy you with my preoccupations about writing a book(!) (of all things!) mostly due to my creative envy.

Yay!

To be continued...

PS. For anyone actually paying attention... I was supposed to have that hernia operation at the end of June, but I decided to postpone it, figuring what with the pandemic going on maybe going into a hospital right now isn't the best timing. So, theoretically, depending on how the pandemic landscape develops and transpires, I'm thinking I'll try to have this operation in 2021. We'll see...

WELCOME, 2020! (aka "Part 2")

January 1, 2020 3:35 pm

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So, this post is pretty much a continuation from this previous post.
In that post, I was referring to this list, or my WHAT I WANNA DO LIST for short, or even shorter, my WIWDL:

WHAT DO I WANNA DO (WHAT DO I WANNA BE) WHEN I GROW UP:

1. A debater
2. An essayist
3. A history major
4. A filmmaker (director, writer, editor)
5. A cartoonist (comic books, webcomics)
6. An illustrator/painter
7. A merchandiser and marketer (specifically re: WNY filmmaker Sam Qualiana's Metroshia Productions... more on this later)
8. A documentarian, historian about WNY filmmakers
9. Financially successful
10. Oh, and though I never think about it - but I should - be a (competent)* homeowner.

Saturday, January 4, 11:24 am

In that previous post, I talked about two items on the list, being a filmmaker and being a cartoonist. Of course, that was back in late February of 2019! So, I'll just run through the whole list for this post and see where my brain is at and hopefully see how much progress I can make on all of these ambitions as I go through the year. 
Yeah, if you look at the recent posts on all three of my main blogs, there's a lot of repetition. It seems most of my recent posts either began as something I started months or even years ago and I decided to finish them, and they probably changed in focus because of the amount of time it took between its inception and its conclusion. Also, a lot of these posts seem to be me trying to just get through the day or even the post, so there's more of diary-like quality to them rather than me discussing a single topic. I think I have few more posts like that to get through in that manner, but if I can make an analogy to a sports team, my blogs (and myself, I guess) are kind of going through a "rebuilding year," just trying to re-organize my focus and getting my shit together in general. With that in mind, I'm perpetually making lists of things to do or goals I hope to accomplish. The WIWDL is one such thing. Also, at my film blog, I'm slowly working on a post that discusses my attempt to re-focus on what topics I'd like to discuss there:

1. Netflix Connection
2. WNY filmmakers
3. BM-VM
4. My own filmmaking efforts
5. Films I own
6. Films so bad they're... what?

So, that's my game plan as we start 2020. We'll see how far I stick with this idea, hahaha! Dammit.
Although, right now, I have to call Consumer Cellular and figure out why my phone hasn't had any service pretty much all week...

Saturday, January 11, 12:51 am

Swell.
For whatever reason, my confidence is kind of low right now and that sort of "just happened." Stupidly, I think it was initially triggered by reading something someone posted on Facebook, that THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING was released on this day SIXTEEN FUCKING YEARS AGO. That fact just sort of hit me, yet another blast of how Time (and Life) can just go by so quickly. And then to compound it, it occurred to me that I didn't really get that much accomplished today, that I was just spinning my wheels, so that fact seemed to underline the whole idea of the passage of time, and more to the point, how I'm such a pro at wasting my own time.
So, on one level I just feel like throwing in the towel with regards to my creative ambitions and plans and bullshit etc. I don't feel like I'm ever going to ever really get my shit together.
FUCK.

However, on the other hand, if I DO give up, well, I might as well just lie down and DIE. Not commit suicide, but just give up my reason for living, then. Because, why bother carrying on if I have no more creative ambitions?
Man, I'm in a pathetically whiney state, aren't I?
Fuck me.
And foul-mouthed, too!

Okay, just take a deep breath and either do something constructive, anything, or just go to bed and start again in the morning and do better tomorrow, ya whiney little puke.
Grrrr!

WELCOME, 2019!: Here we go again!

January 1, 2019 - January 1, 2020

January 1, 2019  3:13 pm

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Okay, now that I got that out of my system...

Yes, Happy New Year, indeed.
Every time January rolls around, my usual routine is to consider what my goals and objectives are for the upcoming year. As part of that usual routine, I look at my list of the previous year's goals, and inevitably, I'm mostly recycling that exact same list for the newly minted year. Maybe not entirely exactly, but there's bound to be three goals repeated verbatim and then the rest may be different in the details but exactly the same in the spirit.
This year is no different.
[NOTE: And to further compound and probably confuse matters... I originally started this post a YEAR ago. That's right, this note comes to you from January 1, 2020. Happy New Year! So, as I finally publish this post a dozen months after I started it, I'll probably be amending it with these little notes in blue from the present.]

Meanwhile, in a previous post (from just mid-December), I happened to write this down:

WHAT DO I WANNA DO (WHAT DO I WANNA BE) WHEN I GROW UP:

1. A debater
2. An essayist
3. A history major
4. A filmmaker (director, writer, editor)
5. A cartoonist (comic books, webcomics)
6. An illustrator/painter
7. A merchandiser and marketer (specifically re: WNY filmmaker Sam Qualiana's Metroshia Productions... more on this later)
8. A documentarian, historian about WNY filmmakers
9. Financially successful
10. Oh, and though I never think about it - but I should - be a (competent)* homeowner.

*This adjective is an addition to the original list.

February 22, 9:34 am

Yeah, as an exercise it's good for me to re-check some of this shit that I write down, because I sometimes write it down so impulsively I can't remember if I just puked it down on a list somewhere or in a post that I never finished or what.
So, now it's well into February. My wife has her winter break and we've been to our old house in Lockport trying to clean it up for a March deadline of finally putting that house on the market. Mind you, we moved to our new house back in August 2017. My wife got her stuff all together way back in 2017 like a normal person should and moved her stuff all to our new house but I didn't. I'm the one that's been holding up everything. The circumstances were unique enough that I could. We were moving into my dad's old house (which I inherited when he passed away in 2016) and, being able to access both our old house and the new house without a deadline hanging over my head (more or less), I dragged my feet getting all my stuff together, aside from the essentials that I immediately needed. Then after moving in, I got a new job (after being unemployed since July 2016 when the company went out of business). My new job was (and still is) at a grocery store where I mostly work outside bringing in shopping carts from the parking lot (more or less) and that was another time-consuming (and physical) obstacle to daily negotiate around. I currently work around 25-35 hours/week. Meaning, I haven't been as focused on finishing things up at the old house, to put it euphemistically. At times, my wife can re-frame that narrative less gently, and with good reason, because well, here we are, a year and half later after we've moved and we still don't have the old house up for sale. But, the bills on two houses are slowly but definitely killing us - financially and, occasionally, emotionally - and so, we need to finally fucking put that property up for sale and sell it, if possible.
That's kind of where we are right now.

Of course, my brain is always going elsewhere then where it should be. Prioritizing ain't my strong point.
Which brings us back to my "What Do I Wanna Do (What Do I Wanna Be) When I Grow Up" list or, to save time, I'll just refer to it as the WDIWL (i.e. What Do I Wanna List) from now on.
There's some meme or self-improvement saying somewhere that I came across and it breaks down what it takes to dream about something versus actually achieving that dream. I can't remember the specific breakdown verbatim, but it goes something like this: 

To achieve a dream, first come up with a GOAL, 
Then set a PLAN to achieve that goal, 
Then set a SCHEDULE to accomplish that plan, 
Finally, follow that schedule and ACHIEVE YOUR DREAM. 

Something like that.

Also, cue Frank N. Furter: "Don't DREAM it, BE it."

12:22 pm

THE PERPETUAL, THOUGH ERRATIC, SELF-DIRECTED PEP TALK

Well, it's almost two months after the actual holiday, but we finally, officially, put away our Christmas tree and decorations in the attic. As momentous an occasion that is (oh, and it is... it is an annual momentous occasion of accomplishment), the task is magnified in stature because I actually said I'd do it last night. I also said I'd vacuum the TV room last night, after a day of cleaning at the Lockport house. This is significant because I never follow through on my plans (ask poor Laszlo who I keep telling I'll beta his fan-fiction and then never get around to it. BTW, you can read his on-going Sci-Fi flavored Frozen fanfic series here).
In addition, while crawling (or walking very stooped) in our attic, I was appreciative (and silently self-commending) my having affixed larger floorboards to the exposed rafters upstairs. When we first moved in - and actually for decades, pretty much since my family originally purchased this house in 1969 (or shortly thereafter) - there was only a couple long pieces of wood laid across the rafters. I think they were from a large shipping box, about three feet by six feet. That was the main walkway upstairs, and the six foot length barely reached the rafters at each end. So, last summer, I think, I made a point of adding more plywood from scraps we had in the garage. It was tedious and I didn't accomplish covering as much surface area as I had hoped but I significantly expanded our practical walking and storing floor space upstairs. So, yet another household project or chore I actually followed through on and I could appreciate today while crawling around upstairs, sweating.
Anyways, go me!
Usually I'm not so self-congratulatory, but fuck it, I can use the positive self-reinforcement. Maybe it will gather emotional momentum and thus, enable me to translate it into more accomplishments creatively.
Alright, now I gotta go crap.
[NOTE: Holy TMI.]

2:41 pm

More productive stuff!
I also, finally, emptied this orange laundry basket that's been sitting in the basement taking up space for several months, at least. Maybe a year? Maybe not. Either way, it's been a ridiculously long time.
In it were T-shirts and pants that I had washed and folded but really didn't have a place to store properly.
Well, after occasionally thinking about it but never really exuding any energy to follow through, I finally got this stack of plastic storage drawers that used to house my DVDs at the old house and which I kept at my current storage unit. I shoved my dresser over down here in the basement (that's right, baby! I "live" in the basement! Well, to clarify: our "new" house is actually smaller than our old house, so we converted the basement and garage into living spaces and my work area/bed is in the basement. Yes, my wife and I sleep separately because 1) I'm traditionally a restless sleeper and 2) we keep different hours at night, so this separation is good for the marriage. Okay? Does that answer satisfy you??)... as I was saying, I shoved my dresser over where it was already and made room for these plastic storage drawers, cleaned out the drawers (four of them) and finally put my clothes in them. 
Holy. Shit.
Suddenly I have 2'x4' of floor space opened up to me in my basement work space. I'm such a procrastinating fuckhead.
Anyway, yay. That is finally done.
Next, I have these hanging file folder racks that I have to put together and put into one of my filing cabinets so I can finally empty some of these boxes that have my comics that are taking up space down here.
Baby steps, man! Baby steps!

Meanwhile, I should start getting ready to go to work. Ugh. Dammit.

February 26, 11:36 am

Well, I'm off today, but I have to get into a routine for working on the old house this week. I hope to leave in about an hour for Lockport.
But, I was going to look through my WDIWL and try to figure out some basic goals for the various items on it, some brainstorming.

FILMMAKER: 
Well, the biggest way to be a filmmaker is to make films. The earliest opportunity I have is to make an entry for the March BM-VM meeting. Of course, in about three weeks, I should be starting to rehearse for ANNAPURNA at the New Phoenix Theatre. I'm directing Lisa Ludwig and John Profeta in that. So, I really don't have time to create a new film. but I do have some raw footage I shot with John Karyus back in late 2017 when he was actually staying in our old house. It's for a film I was sort of making up with him called THE RESURRECTION OF THE BLUE AGOUTI. I think I can make a trailer with some interesting footage. That'll be my entry.

CARTOONIST: 
A few ideas: 
1. This year I'd like to create a website for my artwork and also a web comic that I hope to collect in a published comic. The web comic is TABLE SCRAPS featuring characters based on our cats, among other things.
2. I need to really start working on my Apple Corps Comic story. Last year I planned to have it done by January 2019. Well, that not only didn't work, but I hadn't even really started it. So, that's my one story idea.

Alright, I gotta get productive for today. Later!

2:16 pm!?

Ahhhhh...DAMMIT!

CUT TO

Saturday, June 29, 7:58 pm

[NOTE: Four months later! Holy Fast Forward!]

Man, I'm just trying to catch up here.

9:51 pm

And... I'm doing a shitty job of it!
Okay.
So, a number of things are going through my head:

First, except for one post this year, I haven't done any writing towards my goal of hitting 50,000 words. And that one post? Uh, it's not public. It's a personal entry and I wasn't really comfortable about sharing it with anyone to be honest, but I also needed to get started on my journey to 50,000 words for 2019. So, I listed it in my entries on my blog where I'm keeping track of my writing goal, and figured I'd be adding other posts soon after... which hasn't happened, yet, unfortunately. Which is why I'm trying to finish THIS post. Baby steps, right?
[NOTE: As it turns out, I've kept all those so-called personal entries private. So, they're no longer listed as part of my 50,000 word challenge. However, for those obsessive statisticians out there, I privately published six posts in 2019 and racked up about 15,550 words. Therapeutically, I think having a private place to express myself helped me out.]

Second, I re-read what I wrote earlier and some things need to be updated, even if superficially.
We finally sold our old house! It happened May 20. And since then, it's been a new era for us. We were able to pay some debts and start saving some money now that we no longer have our old mortgage to pay, nor pay any of the utilities, etc. on the old house. Yay!

Third, I also survived directing ANNAPURNA! I had hoped to remember something during the rehearsal process about directing from my earlier shows over 14 years ago. That did NOT happen. So, the entire six-week process was extremely stressful. But, it worked out, and very well, actually. We got a 4-OUT-OF-4 STAR review in the Buffalo News! Okay, I try not to put TOO much stock in reviews, but I'll confess... it was a fucking huge relief when it was a positive review, let alone such a favorable review. There's much more to say about the experience, but not in this post. Hopefully in another one...


January 1, 2020 1:10 pm

And now, we're caught up, at least for this post.
I'm going to publish this now and move on officially to 2020. 
I'll continue discussing my WDIWL in "Welcome, 2020!" aka Part 2.

Onward!