January 1, 2019 - January 1, 2020
January 1, 2019 3:13 pm
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Okay, now that I got that out of my system...
Yes, Happy New Year, indeed.
Every time January rolls around, my usual routine is to consider what my goals and objectives are for the upcoming year. As part of that usual routine, I look at my list of the previous year's goals, and inevitably, I'm mostly recycling that exact same list for the newly minted year. Maybe not entirely exactly, but there's bound to be three goals repeated verbatim and then the rest may be different in the details but exactly the same in the spirit.
This year is no different.
[NOTE: And to further compound and probably confuse matters... I originally started this post a YEAR ago. That's right, this note comes to you from January 1, 2020. Happy New Year! So, as I finally publish this post a dozen months after I started it, I'll probably be amending it with these little notes in blue from the present.]
Meanwhile, in a previous post (from just mid-December), I happened to write this down:
WHAT DO I WANNA DO (WHAT DO I WANNA BE) WHEN I GROW UP:
1. A debater
2. An essayist
3. A history major
4. A filmmaker (director, writer, editor)
5. A cartoonist (comic books, webcomics)
6. An illustrator/painter
7. A merchandiser and marketer (specifically re: WNY filmmaker Sam Qualiana's Metroshia Productions... more on this later)
8. A documentarian, historian about WNY filmmakers
9. Financially successful
10. Oh, and though I never think about it - but I should - be a (competent)* homeowner.
*This adjective is an addition to the original list.
February 22, 9:34 am
Yeah, as an exercise it's good for me to re-check some of this shit that I write down, because I sometimes write it down so impulsively I can't remember if I just puked it down on a list somewhere or in a post that I never finished or what.
So, now it's well into February. My wife has her winter break and we've been to our old house in Lockport trying to clean it up for a March deadline of finally putting that house on the market. Mind you, we moved to our new house back in August 2017. My wife got her stuff all together way back in 2017 like a normal person should and moved her stuff all to our new house but I didn't. I'm the one that's been holding up everything. The circumstances were unique enough that I could. We were moving into my dad's old house (which I inherited when he passed away in 2016) and, being able to access both our old house and the new house without a deadline hanging over my head (more or less), I dragged my feet getting all my stuff together, aside from the essentials that I immediately needed. Then after moving in, I got a new job (after being unemployed since July 2016 when the company went out of business). My new job was (and still is) at a grocery store where I mostly work outside bringing in shopping carts from the parking lot (more or less) and that was another time-consuming (and physical) obstacle to daily negotiate around. I currently work around 25-35 hours/week. Meaning, I haven't been as focused on finishing things up at the old house, to put it euphemistically. At times, my wife can re-frame that narrative less gently, and with good reason, because well, here we are, a year and half later after we've moved and we still don't have the old house up for sale. But, the bills on two houses are slowly but definitely killing us - financially and, occasionally, emotionally - and so, we need to finally fucking put that property up for sale and sell it, if possible.
That's kind of where we are right now.
Of course, my brain is always going elsewhere then where it should be. Prioritizing ain't my strong point.
Which brings us back to my "What Do I Wanna Do (What Do I Wanna Be) When I Grow Up" list or, to save time, I'll just refer to it as the WDIWL (i.e. What Do I Wanna List) from now on.
There's some meme or self-improvement saying somewhere that I came across and it breaks down what it takes to dream about something versus actually achieving that dream. I can't remember the specific breakdown verbatim, but it goes something like this:
To achieve a dream, first come up with a GOAL,
Then set a PLAN to achieve that goal,
Then set a SCHEDULE to accomplish that plan,
Finally, follow that schedule and ACHIEVE YOUR DREAM.
Something like that.
Also, cue Frank N. Furter: "Don't DREAM it, BE it."
12:22 pm
THE PERPETUAL, THOUGH ERRATIC, SELF-DIRECTED PEP TALK
Well, it's almost two months after the actual holiday, but we finally, officially, put away our Christmas tree and decorations in the attic. As momentous an occasion that is (oh, and it is... it is an annual momentous occasion of accomplishment), the task is magnified in stature because I actually said I'd do it last night. I also said I'd vacuum the TV room last night, after a day of cleaning at the Lockport house. This is significant because I never follow through on my plans (ask poor Laszlo who I keep telling I'll beta his fan-fiction and then never get around to it. BTW, you can read his on-going Sci-Fi flavored Frozen fanfic series here).
In addition, while crawling (or walking very stooped) in our attic, I was appreciative (and silently self-commending) my having affixed larger floorboards to the exposed rafters upstairs. When we first moved in - and actually for decades, pretty much since my family originally purchased this house in 1969 (or shortly thereafter) - there was only a couple long pieces of wood laid across the rafters. I think they were from a large shipping box, about three feet by six feet. That was the main walkway upstairs, and the six foot length barely reached the rafters at each end. So, last summer, I think, I made a point of adding more plywood from scraps we had in the garage. It was tedious and I didn't accomplish covering as much surface area as I had hoped but I significantly expanded our practical walking and storing floor space upstairs. So, yet another household project or chore I actually followed through on and I could appreciate today while crawling around upstairs, sweating.
Anyways, go me!
Usually I'm not so self-congratulatory, but fuck it, I can use the positive self-reinforcement. Maybe it will gather emotional momentum and thus, enable me to translate it into more accomplishments creatively.
Alright, now I gotta go crap.
[NOTE: Holy TMI.]
2:41 pm
More productive stuff!
I also, finally, emptied this orange laundry basket that's been sitting in the basement taking up space for several months, at least. Maybe a year? Maybe not. Either way, it's been a ridiculously long time.
In it were T-shirts and pants that I had washed and folded but really didn't have a place to store properly.
Well, after occasionally thinking about it but never really exuding any energy to follow through, I finally got this stack of plastic storage drawers that used to house my DVDs at the old house and which I kept at my current storage unit. I shoved my dresser over down here in the basement (that's right, baby! I "live" in the basement! Well, to clarify: our "new" house is actually smaller than our old house, so we converted the basement and garage into living spaces and my work area/bed is in the basement. Yes, my wife and I sleep separately because 1) I'm traditionally a restless sleeper and 2) we keep different hours at night, so this separation is good for the marriage. Okay? Does that answer satisfy you??)... as I was saying, I shoved my dresser over where it was already and made room for these plastic storage drawers, cleaned out the drawers (four of them) and finally put my clothes in them.
Holy. Shit.
Suddenly I have 2'x4' of floor space opened up to me in my basement work space. I'm such a procrastinating fuckhead.
Anyway, yay. That is finally done.
Next, I have these hanging file folder racks that I have to put together and put into one of my filing cabinets so I can finally empty some of these boxes that have my comics that are taking up space down here.
Baby steps, man! Baby steps!
Meanwhile, I should start getting ready to go to work. Ugh. Dammit.
February 26, 11:36 am
Well, I'm off today, but I have to get into a routine for working on the old house this week. I hope to leave in about an hour for Lockport.
But, I was going to look through my WDIWL and try to figure out some basic goals for the various items on it, some brainstorming.
FILMMAKER:
Well, the biggest way to be a filmmaker is to make films. The earliest opportunity I have is to make an entry for the March BM-VM meeting. Of course, in about three weeks, I should be starting to rehearse for ANNAPURNA at the New Phoenix Theatre. I'm directing Lisa Ludwig and John Profeta in that. So, I really don't have time to create a new film. but I do have some raw footage I shot with John Karyus back in late 2017 when he was actually staying in our old house. It's for a film I was sort of making up with him called THE RESURRECTION OF THE BLUE AGOUTI. I think I can make a trailer with some interesting footage. That'll be my entry.
CARTOONIST:
A few ideas:
1. This year I'd like to create a website for my artwork and also a web comic that I hope to collect in a published comic. The web comic is TABLE SCRAPS featuring characters based on our cats, among other things.
2. I need to really start working on my Apple Corps Comic story. Last year I planned to have it done by January 2019. Well, that not only didn't work, but I hadn't even really started it. So, that's my one story idea.
Alright, I gotta get productive for today. Later!
2:16 pm!?
Ahhhhh...DAMMIT!
CUT TO
Saturday, June 29, 7:58 pm
[NOTE: Four months later! Holy Fast Forward!]
Man, I'm just trying to catch up here.
9:51 pm
And... I'm doing a shitty job of it!
Okay.
So, a number of things are going through my head:
First, except for one post this year, I haven't done any writing towards my goal of hitting 50,000 words. And that one post? Uh, it's not public. It's a personal entry and I wasn't really comfortable about sharing it with anyone to be honest, but I also needed to get started on my journey to 50,000 words for 2019. So, I listed it in my entries on my blog where I'm keeping track of my writing goal, and figured I'd be adding other posts soon after... which hasn't happened, yet, unfortunately. Which is why I'm trying to finish THIS post. Baby steps, right?
[NOTE: As it turns out, I've kept all those so-called personal entries private. So, they're no longer listed as part of my 50,000 word challenge. However, for those obsessive statisticians out there, I privately published six posts in 2019 and racked up about 15,550 words. Therapeutically, I think having a private place to express myself helped me out.]
Second, I re-read what I wrote earlier and some things need to be updated, even if superficially.
We finally sold our old house! It happened May 20. And since then, it's been a new era for us. We were able to pay some debts and start saving some money now that we no longer have our old mortgage to pay, nor pay any of the utilities, etc. on the old house. Yay!
Third, I also survived directing ANNAPURNA! I had hoped to remember something during the rehearsal process about directing from my earlier shows over 14 years ago. That did NOT happen. So, the entire six-week process was extremely stressful. But, it worked out, and very well, actually. We got a 4-OUT-OF-4 STAR review in the Buffalo News! Okay, I try not to put TOO much stock in reviews, but I'll confess... it was a fucking huge relief when it was a positive review, let alone such a favorable review. There's much more to say about the experience, but not in this post. Hopefully in another one...
January 1, 2020 1:10 pm
And now, we're caught up, at least for this post.
I'm going to publish this now and move on officially to 2020.
I'll continue discussing my WDIWL in "Welcome, 2020!" aka Part 2.
Onward!
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