Where have I been? What's going on? (4/355)

Gah!
I can't seem to focus on anything!
So, I'm just puking SOMEthing out here before several weeks more go by without posting anything.

Meanwhile, THIS damn blog!

And: yes, yes, YES... I know it's BEYOND stupid that I'm keeping three blogs (on myspace, livejournal, and here on blogger). However, I'm compensating by not really doing much with them... isn't that something?
Seriously, I liked the idea of each blog focusing on an interest of mine, and ultimately, each particular blog being a sort of tool to help me go further into each interest (comics, film). Ultimately, I wanted this pursuit to culminate in my actively creating work in each medium.
Well, my livejournal (movies) is the closest to having any sort of success like that. I've actually worked on a few low-budget movies. Okay, not my own, but helping on others' film projects is still filmmaking. Perhaps this year I can include my own personal projects on that list of filmmaking.
But, this third blog is different, and intentionally. I decided to address my other interests here, the ones that I usually ignore because I'm distracted by my creative daydreaming (or even work and sleep).

Specifically, these are areas that are more intellectual or abstract, I guess, instead of tangible creative pursuits, although comics and film have their intellectual dynamics as well. They just aren't purely intellectual to the degree these topics are.
For instance, I'm talking about: politics, spirituality, charity, and um, other issues i can't think of right now.
I have my opinions, but I usually don't voice them because I only know so much, and I really haven't made the effort to actively expand on what I know and decrease what I don't know (Oh. My. God. I'm starting to descend into Rumsfeld territory here). Actually, "what I know," is a misleading crap statement... "what I know" is more accurately "what I believe to be true," or something that I think of as a "valid theory." Again, having arrived at said (thin) theory, I've usually done very little to try to confirm or deny the theory's validity.
And this is because I'm either cowardly (to learn the truth or defend my views), lazy and/or undisciplined to focus my mind on these topics with any sort of regularity.
Personal cowardice aside, I also think the principle of "out of sight, out of mind" is at work here with regard to these topics. Which is why I think, as a practical example, going to church regularly is good, because at least once a week, theoretically, I'll be forced to consider some of these issues (well, primarily spiritual issues). True, a purely primitive reason for going to church, but isn't that the basic reason why we build a church in the first place?.
But, that's the point where I'm at. Primitive. Simple.

So, in a way, this blog will focus on my weaknesses. Not so much to simply expose them to whoever few readers there are, but hopefully to embarrass me into some sort of action that these subjects seem to imply should be taken. In other words, a discussion on charity seems useless if it doesn't motivate some charitable work of some sort (or is that purely a theory of mine? Ha!).
And it was only a couple nights ago while driving that I articulated this blog's distinction to myself (in terms of its relation to the other two sites): this site focuses on my weaknesses.
But, again, not to denigrate myself for having these weaknesses, but as a starting point for attempting to shore up those weaknesses and perhaps, optimistically, convert them into surprising strengths.

Okay, considering I have fragments of several blog posts on the back burner because I can't seem to finish them for one reason or another, I'll end here and act as if I finished saying something here.

No, seriously. I'm done for today.

4/355
Project 365: previous / first / next

I suck.

I say that a lot, for a variety of reasons.
I've been meaning to do a sporadic series of blogs focused on why I suck. Or, the I SUCK series.

Let's inaugurate it today, spontaneously, off-the-cuffly, because another reason why I suck is i have all sorts of ideas but never freaking follow up on ANY of them...

WHY I SUCK: part 1.

Oh, there are so many reasons why I feel I'm lacking as a person, and to be honest, they're all pretty trivial. But that won't stop me from obsessing about them.
One of the major reasons I exude suckage is my lack of drawing.
I have some actual drawing talent, but I REALLY lack sitting down and drawing discipline, so I SUCK because I'm squandering a real talent. This is not news to me or others who know me.

A guy I know locally, Joel, is an illustrator who designs a number of posters for local bands.
These posters are terrific.
Check 'em out:
http://www.gigposters.com/designers.php?designer=4788

Joel can also be seen on Myspace. Recently, he's returned to his site and started posting his sketches and drawings again after a lengthy hiatus. Yaaaay! I love looking at his work.
A friend of Joel's and myself is Jim, who's sometimes referred to in each of our blogs. Jim is also an artist, but he uses a lot of photoshop or some damn software, so I'm not as directly inspired because I know crap about that using that stuff. I'm just a pencil and ink dude. hence my Joel envy and admiration.
Anyways here's Joel's Myspace site:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=102037

And here's Jim's website:
http://www.spancwear.com/

So, anyways, with Joel spewing out magnificent sketches and drawings again (the F'n' F!), it seems almost disgusting for me to merely spectate and salivate. I need to join the fray.
I need to get off my cowardly perfectionist ass and draw stuff and post it myself.

Let's see what happens, huh?

Welcome, welcome!

Well, this poor, lonely site has been lying unfulfilled a little too long. So, let the champagne bottle smashing commence!

Actually, I have no idea what I want to do with this site. but, I think that's part of the vague purpose I have for it, as an outlet for some thinking, an opportunity to contemplate subjects I normally don't allow myself time to .

I have two other blogs, one on Myspace (comic books) and one at Livejournal (movies).
I'd like to consider myself an artist, but I think I haven't produced enough art to have legitimately achieved that status. So, instead, I'm currently a creative individual with alot of unexplored potential.
That is a large part of myself, this creative aspect. I'm forever coming up with ideas for projects, but I never seem to properly apply myself to the execution of those projects.
Unfortunately, I'm now of an age where that fact is becoming a large, and perhaps growing, amount of psychological baggage. I guess the good thing going for me is that we are of a generation that's seeing a longer life expectancy (hell, my dad's survived eight decades so far, and he's not really taking care of himself... he's just freaking durable! So, perhaps I, too, have those, "in spite of myself" extended mortality genes), so I may still salvage some sort of artistic career before I leave this mortal coil, by God!

Actually, there is another aspect of myself that is not creative, that is, I used to think there was, and that is spirituality. I used to consider myself a spiritual person. I'm not sure if I am now. Or perhaps, like my artistic talents, I have spiritual talents, but they, too, are going unrealized.

The hope is that this blog may prove to be a small toehold into a way back into expressing that spirituality again, or living it more in my life. Whatever that means.

Alright, that's it for now. Not quite the dramatic cannon shot across the bow, but something, the heck!