To Be Continued... Friday, October 4, 2019

Friday, October 4  8;24 am

... and howdy.

[NOTE: And Happy New Year! So, this is one of a handful of blog posts I impulsively published on the last day of 2019 in an effort to have a few more blog posts for 2019. Yes, I was "cheating" if you understand why I did this. Whatever, I still have to finish the actual posts themselves. So, that's what I'm doing with this one, but, I'm interrupting here from the "present" (Sunday, January 5, 2020) to add some clarifying commentary so-to-speak. That is, hopefully they're clarifying. I guess we'll see.]

So, I'm sort of in the middle of things, mostly cleaning up the house before our (prospective) cat-sitter, Sam(antha), stops by tonight and is introduced to our four cats: Velvet, Pixie, Minnie and Finn.
I just want to get through this day of CLEANING before 6:00 when Sam arrives.
More updates to come.
But first: feed the cats, the birds, eat breakfast and take some ibuprofen...
And FUCK, it's already 8:36 am!

11:16 am

Man, I'm in slow-motion.
Anyway:

- Folded laundry (towels, etc.)
- Fed birds and cats.
- Put more laundry in washer (underwear).
- Washed throws from TV room, then put them in the dryer.

While having breakfast, I finally finished watching the 3-part Netflix documentary limited-series, INSIDE BILL'S BRAIN: DECODING BILL GATES. I have to say, I didn't know much about Gates prior to this series, and now I think he's kind of heroic. I subscribed to his blog soon after.
I just started another multi-part documentary series, TRUMP: AN AMERICAN DREAM.

12:32 pm

Goddammit.
Time is just... moving.

- Cleared the sink.

Wow. Big fucking deal. Grrrr..!

Sunday, October 6  2:27 pm

So, my original plan was to get through Friday, specifically cleaning the house until Sam got here at 6;00 pm and then we'd go through the process of introducing her to the cats and letting her know what we wanted from her as a cat-sitter. After she left, I think I was planning on trying to finally get started on Inktober 2019.
Well, my cleaning more-or-less happened (maybe less), but enough to get the point across. I did keep getting distracted through the day, though. Towards the end of the day, I was getting more scatter-brained and forgetting shit. I was saying to myself, "my method of multi-tasking is forgetting more stuff at once," and to illustrate, I was supposed to drop off a check to town hall for our taxes, plus deposit another check at the bank and then pick up some dry-cleaning and drop off some more. I got to town hall and realized I forgot the check for the bank (part of the reason is because I took another check as well to cash at the bank and I think that threw me off rather than allow me to be more efficient), so after going to the town clerk and taking care of that, I went back home. Not really a LOT of time lost, just... inefficient. It's 6-7 minutes from home to town hall and another couple minutes to the bank and dry-cleaners, but now I added another 15 minutes going back and forth to the house. Part of my scatterbrainery is of course a sense of panic that I hadn't gotten more stuff accomplished during the day, and I was just exacerbating my lack of production through panic.

Interesting.
On the one hand, I'm annoyed and getting anxious about my lack of progress at home (cleaning, organizing, finishing the remodeling) and on creative endeavors (drawing and filmmaking, etc.) and I wonder if I'm just going to fail at everything.
But, as I take the time to write this, I'm feeling somewhat calmed by this immediate process of documenting things, even if it includes my current sense of failure at accomplishing things. I mean, I am working on a blog post. And I always intended these blogs to be a document of my efforts to become accomplished in different fields of creative interest. So, I need to just embrace the process and let it happen. Blog posts don't just happen instantaneously. Drawings don't happen instantaneously. The same goes for scripts, producing films, etc. I just have to invest the time. Regularly.

*HEAVY SIGH*

Alright, I actually have to work today. I start at 3:30 this afternoon and go 'til 11:00. Although, if I'm done by 10:30, I'm outta there. But who am I kidding? I always close later than scheduled, so I think they just tried to adjust to that fact this week in the scheduling.

Monday, October 7  10:27 am

First off, I'm back to "square one" with other matters (stupidly) and... I'll just leave it at that.
Second, I still haven't finished one damn Inktober drawing yet, and we're a full week in to October. I started drawing one out for the first prompt: "ring". We'll see if I finish that one. I started another one about an hour ago for Day 6's prompt, "husky". Of course, like all my ideas, it's a really complicated concept, and also ridiculous and overdone and overthought out. AH, well. That's my m.o.!
Anyway, I'm really trying to see if I can just work my way through this and just FINISH it. We'll see.

11:31 am

Ugh.
Man, am I outta shape! And I mean from a drawing perspective!
I'm making progress on this drawing, but it's exhausting!
Dammit!

Thursday, October 10  8:51 am

I haven't done any further drawing on my "husky" prompt. Columbus Day Weekend is coming up and we're heading out of town and I've been distracted cleaning and preparing the house for that.
So, I have more of that to do today. Who knows if I'll ever finish that "husky" drawing or do any drawing for that matter.
Ah, I'm just whining.
Okay, I have to get some chores out of the way before I go to work late this afternoon. It's a weird shift, only 5.5 hours (5:00-10:30pm), so I'm leaving late in the afternoon. I'm going to try and stay focused and attempt to get shit accomplished today around the house before I go (besides cleaning, also cut the grass, etc.).
We'll see...

Friday, October 11  8:51 am (again! how weird!)

So, we're leaving today and there's a bunch of stuff I have to do before my wife gets home and then we leave. I'm trying to be a good boy and stay focused.
I'm also planning to bring my notebooks, my sketchbook, my list of Inktober prompts, my camera and my video camera. Maybe I'll do something spontaneously creative. Maybe not.
But mostly, I have to stay focused from now until 3:30 when she comes home and be ready to head out.
Ugh.
Adulting. And being self-motivated. Grrrr....

Thursday, October 24  7:36 am

Okay, here's a run-down of the various things I have going on, or at least, things I'd LIKE to have going on.

Like:

1. INKTOBER: ....which I've started two drawings for, have a number of ideas for, but have yet to finish penciling any one drawing, let alone do any inking yet. And it's October 24th. Yeah.

2. BM-VM SHORTY CONTEST: Monday night (October 21) was a BM-VM meeting and the annual Shorty Contest. And, no, I didn't enter anything. Part of it was due to the fact that I had left making a film entry until the last weekend before the meeting, specifically Saturday (Oct. 19). I had the day off but then there was a speech and debate meeting in the morning at Mount Mercy Academy (MMA) and my wife (A.) and I were judging. This is the first (second?) year that the tournament is not fielding a team from my wife's school since her debate coach formerly retired and since my wife has been the forensics coach for her school since she started in... 2000? 1999? (I think 2000), she chose to retire as well and no other faculty member or alumni has stepped up (or been able to step up) to taking over the team. So, occasionally we're called in to do some judging duties as "independent contractors," hahaha! Anyway, it was fun seeing the kids perform and it made my mind wander re: performing and writing, etc.
So, there was that in the morning, and then I briefly stopped by the Marriott and the Buffalo ComiCon put on by Queen City Book Store. And then we had shopping to do, but my wife was tired, so we came home first, and I was tired as well, so we napped and had something to eat, then went to Sam's Club, Walmart and Wegmans and while on the road, my wife had been trying to reach her mom by phone and kept getting a busy signal. After four hours of that, we called J., her brother, to see if her mom had talked to him earlier and maybe she just forgot to hang up, but it turns out both A. and J. had been trying to reach Mom, so we decided to go out to Lockport and see what was going on. It turns out her mom was having a bad day, and she hadn't really eaten and she was cold and wondered why no one called her. So, stuff was going on. There's a lot more to this story, but I won't get into that. But, A.'s mom has been having a bunch of issues going on and some of them are because she is reluctant to accept she's getting older and that physically she's deteriorating, whether she likes it or not. ANYWAY, A. and I were there for a few hours getting her mom back on track and we didn't get home until late. And then I had to work in the morning (Sunday, 8:00 am)... so, long story short (HAHAHA!), I didn't work on my film entry Saturday night. And then working on it Sunday was lame because I was tired and basically, I had to remember how to download the new footage, etc. I shot with the camera I bought in August. True, I had shot a number of things since August when I worked on the Buffalo 48 Hour Film Project and Team BM-VM's entry, THE CASE OF THE MISPLACED HERRING. Like, A. and I have been to Griffis Sculpture Park and I shot footage there, and also some incidental footage of birds and deer and turkeys in our backyard at various times. Plus, we had been to Delaware for Columbus Day Weekend and I shot footage at White Clay Creek Park with A. and her best friend, C. who lives down there, and also some footage from the car as we were returning home on the road. So, I had some options for film entries in terms of raw footage. I just had to load the footage onto my computer. Which is a long fucking process, and I hadn't done since August when I worked on the 48 Hour Film Project and it doesn't help that I'm forgetful and have to remind myself by trial and error how to do anything technical or computer-related.

So, by the time I figured out how to do it, and more or less did it, I had no time left by the time I went to work Monday morning to complete the editing process, so I had no entry to show Monday night.

HOWEVER, having said all this, I did luck out. No one else brought in a contest entry, except for Hernan Caraballo. And, officially, we need at least three entries to actually hold the contest. So, I have another month to make an entry! 

Obviously, I need to work on an entry NOW.
And wow, that was an excuse-filled explanation as to why I didn't make a film for the Shorty Contest...

3. #horrromoviefaves: This local writer/journalist Toni Ruberto's hash tag thing going on Twitter about horror films throughout October. I want to participate in this, partly because I wanna play, too! but also because I think it's a nice way to network with a journalist.

4. 50,000 WORDS OF BLOGGING FOR 2019: So far, I haven't done ANYTHING except what I've written here in private. Dude, TIME WAITS FOR NO MAN.

Sunday, November 17  1:33 pm

Trying to be productive at home, mostly doing housecleaning. Too bad I stuffed myself on leftover Wegmans' pizza this morning for breakfast. I had my two slices, but my wife didn't want hers and so I decided to "go for the whole schmeer." So, I essentially ate half a large pizza for breakfast and boy, am I feeling it now. I'm such a stupid-head.
Alright. Boo hoo. I have to put an air conditioner in the attic and then wash some dishes and vacuum.
SIGH, he sighed fatly.
#HouseOfTheBloatedFucks

2:23 pm

Well! THAT took forever.

- Put the A/C from the library up in the attic. Plus, re-baited the mousetraps (live-catch) up there AND put the two fans up there, too, that have been sitting in the TV room for the last month.

4:54 pm

- More or less finished washing the dishes and loaded the dishwasher (yeah, the dishwasher by itself is an ineffective way for us to wash ALL our dishes, pans, tupperware, etc. So, I do both - hand wash and by machine).
- Emptied the clothes dryer.
- Helped my wife clean the shower.
- Put the underwear in the washer.

Also:
- FINALLY posted a Meetup and Facebook event for tomorrow's BM-VM meeting. I suck, in terms of promoting stuff well ahead of time.

UGH.
My wife and I are completely NOT in the mood to do anything constructive today, so we're dragging ourselves around trying to be productive. Yay.
Alright, one more hurdle: do some vacuuming and then head off to another meeting of Beaver Alley Studios (BAS) in Lockport...

December 3, 6:21 am

Wow.
Right now, I'm REALLY glad I have no actual readership for these blog posts because, holy crap, they are ALL OVER THE PLACE! And repetitive!

Sunday, January 5, 2020, 1:43 pm

Well, let me try to wrap this post up as I balance a phone between my neck and shoulder. I'm on hold with Consumer Cellular. My phone's had "no service" practically all week and I have no idea why. Between my work schedule, doing other things, or otherwise forgetting to do so, I'm finally getting around to calling customer service. 
I finally finished watching Rhonda and Mark Parker's A CHRISTMAS MONSTROSITY for the second time, although this time at home on DVD. I originally watched it at the Premiere screening at the Screening Room on December 21. I hope to write a review for it later today.
Getting back to the topics I discussed above:

1. INKTOBER: Sad to say, I never finished a single drawing... and I'm just talking about pencilling! I never even got to the inking stage! Argghh! But, the ideas were interesting, so I hope to simply finish those ideas I started and ink them as well, at some point. Stay tuned...

2. BM-VM SHORTY CONTEST (Take 2): Well, as I explained above, I had a second chance to enter a film in the contest and... well, I sort of did it. Actually, no. I really didn't, well, not the way I intended to. I still wound up procrastinating but I didn't completely wait until the last second. But I really cut it damn close. I was expecting Hernan to show his entry, INTERNET DATING SUCKS!, again. He was also a new BM-VM member, having joined at the previous (October) meeting and I was worried that he was going to be the only one who showed up with an entry again in November. In October, long-time BM-VM member (and our club archivist), John Weiksnar, was out of town for work reasons and didn't have time to put together an entry. I was hoping he could put something together this second time around, but I wasn't sure. Another long-time member, Cindy Liber, occasionally made some films, but she had been distracted by work and transportation issues over the previous months, so I wasn't sure about her, either. And our club president, David Gaffney, has been busy with work (which sometimes made it challenging for him to simply attend our monthly meetings), plus, he had also recently married in the summer, so I wasn't sure what his spare time situation was like for putting together an entry. Anyway, I was worried that we wouldn't have enough entries to have the contest again, but we couldn't postpone again, so in the event we didn't have enough entries again, we just wouldn't have a Shorty Contest this season. So, I mostly was trying to throw together two entries so that we could have a contest. And since I was the Club (interim) Contest Chairman, that seemed like an appropriate task for me.
Well, somehow, quite barely, I was able to pull it off but it was a real technical clusterfuck. My main problem was trying to figure out why my footage was not permanently downloading to Final Cut Pro or even iMovie on my computer. My video camera is a Sony HDR-CX675 Handycam and you use this program called PlayMemories Home in order to download your files. I somehow pulled it off, thank god, in August bit I was having problems this time around. At best I could edit my footage, but for some reason, it wasn't actually downloading the files to the computer, it was only available when i had the Sony connected to the computer. So, once I disconnected my camera, those files would no longer be available on the computer, WTF.
So, long story short, I wound up making an entry from a very short video I shot a few years ago of my dad. I intended it to be part of a documentary about him. It's pretty much a single take of him where I ask him some questions. I added some credits and also some explanatory subtitles and that was one entry. I called it THE DEE-DEE DEE-DEE SONG. I then quickly posted it on Youtube and hoped I could play it at the Screening Room off Bob Golibersuch's computer (Bob G. is the owner of the Screening Room, natch!). We've accessed Youtube videos for screening at meetings before. Then, I very quickly did yet another edit of the footage I shot in Delaware and at White Clay Creek Park and I called it WATCH CHILDREN. In this case, I think because of time issues, I couldn't download it to youtube, or it wouldn't, so I wound up doing this ungodly other option: I videotaped the film off my computer screen with my Canon PowerShot A2000 IS digital camera, which is primarily a still camera, but it does have a serviceable video function, standard quality at best. I then ran off to the meeting. In my mind, I'm thinking, well, I can show everybody the video from the Canon, but I'd be walking around to groups because, well, it's a small screen. Well, as it turned out, I think we were able to connect the Canon to someone's laptop and then we were able to show it on the big screen. but, OMG, it was an ugly looking image. The video itself was of standard quality, but it was form an image off my computer monitor in the first place, so there were some second generation visual quality issues. Like, you could barely read any of the titles I had on the screen. It was miserable looking. But... we had our three entires! Hernan did return and David called in sick, and John and Cindy didn't have an entry. So, as Contest Chair, I did my job. that's about the brightest spot of the evening.
Meanwhile, the big lesson from this whole Shorty Contest experience is: I need to figure out how to "permanently" download my files to my computer! And I still haven't! But the holidays are over, so maybe I can get my shit together regarding this matter.
NOTE: BTW, I never figured any of my two entries would get any votes, but out of the eight votes from eligible voters attending the November meeting, I actually got two votes for THE DEE-DEE DEE-DEE SONG! Crazy! Ah, sentimental voters... But Hernan did win first place.

Friday, March 20, 2020 5:39 pm

Hi!
So, I return.
This is in red because... I like colors! No, this is in red to indicate that this portion of the post was written in 2020 because, well, see NOTE in blue at beginning of this post for explanation.
Anyway, I thought there were a couple of these posts that I snuck in at the end of 2019 that I need to finish and this is one of them. So, I'm just going to address the rest of that list and wrap this up.

3. #horrormoviefaves: Okay, as I mentioned above, Buffalo writer Toni Ruberto was doing this thing during October 2019, with a different prompt each day. I wanted to participate, but I just never got my shit together to pull it off. But, I'd still like to do it. So, I will.  Just stay tuned to a later post with the 31 prompts and my answers! Oooh!

4. 50,000 WORDS OF BLOGGING FOR 2019: Well, again, I'm going to try this. This will be my third attempt, I think. I did around 29,000 words in 2018, and only 13, 529 for 2019. Plus, I also cheated in 2019, because I snuck in some posts that were unfinished, like this one, so that the very least I had some multiple posts in 2019. So, it was a technical legality that I got those posts published in 2019. So, yeah, 2019 was a real bust. Thus, I'm trying to do it again. Attempting to do 50, 000 words of total blogging, and at least 6 posts per blog (this blog, my comics blog and my film blog), so 18 posts total. That averages out to about 2,778 words each post, if I only do 18 posts. Bla bla bla... whatever, forget about numbers. My point is, I'm trying to post more in my freaking blogs and this is one way to sort of track my progress. As of today, I have two posts published this year totaling 3,002 words. Eh. It's a start.

So, on to the wrap up. 
A lot of my recent posts have this annoying habit of me listing chores or goals I'm trying to accomplish just to get through the day. I set my goals or To-Do List, then later I say what I've done (and it's usually not a complete success). As dull as that is as blog content (oh, and it IS dull), it shows how my ability to accomplish shit (like, anything) is really at a low pathetic state. But, I'm plugging away. 
I'll try to limit how many To-Do List posts, though, from now on, because... well, that's just super lame to have to read.
Finally, as I write conclude this post FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS after I started it, the world has also changed. We're currently in the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic and everybody's getting used to "socially distancing" ourselves in order to limit contact and possible transmission of the virus. Ive already started writing a post focusing on living in this social climate and will start publishing those soon, hopefully. 
Again, to be continued. And thanks for stopping by!

11 DAYS UNTIL 2020: A last dash to cross off some 2019 goals!

December 21, 2019 - January 1, 2020

Saturday, December 21, 2:52 pm

I'm just going to start this post.
I have 11 days until January 1, 2020.
There's no way in hell I'm going to make 50,000 words of my blog posting goal.
Right now, I'm at 8,847 words (that's 5 posts). That means 41,153 more words to go.
Or, mathematically-speaking: 3,742 words/day to accomplish 50,000. No way in hell. It would be amazing if I could do 1,000 words/day.

However, another related blogging goal is to write 6 blog posts for each of my three main blogs. As of right now, I have ONE post for my writing blog; FIVE for my art/comics blog; and ZERO for my film blog. Speaking practically, this second goal is far more attainable.

The third goal is to simply beat my output from last year. I didn't do 50,000 words in 2018, but I did a respectable 29,185 words. So, if I could do 30,000 words, that would be quite alright. That would be 21,153 words to go, and 1,923 words a day. Still a sizable challenge, but much more reasonable. that's not not too far off from 1,667 words/day, which is what you'd have to average to pull off a standard 50,000 words in a 30 days.
Okay, enough theory. I have to crap, then do some cleaning.
UGH.
Focus, focus, focus..!

3:18 pm

My wife's working on the Christmas cards. I'm trying to do some cleaning prior to our finally hanging up some Christmas decorations, etc.
Tonight, Beaver Alley Studios is premiering their fourth film, A CHRISTMAS MONSTROSITY at the Screening Room at 9:45 pm. I actually did the poster/DVD art. Well, more or less. I explain it all here.
Anyway, I'm cleaning the litter boxes downstairs here. And I have this annoying headache. Maybe because I'm trying to cut back on drinking Diet Pepsi? Dammit.
I'd also like to clean off my bed and sleep there tonight instead of on the couch. I don't actually mind sleeping on the couch, but I SHOULD sleep in my own bed. Dammit.

3:54 pm

Man, I'm fucking pathetic. Every time I finish a drawing, it's a Christmas miracle. Every time I clean the litter boxes, it's a Christmas miracle.
Well, on the bright side (and by this broad definition of "a Christmas miracle")... it's been a pretty miraculous week, then.

Sunday, December 22, 2:03 am

It's late, I'm tired, I've spent the last 45-60 minutes or so just surfing the net but not really doing anything.
Around 12:45 am I came home from the A CHRISTMAS MONSTROSITY premiere. I'm glad I was able to motivate my butt to get out of the house and go over to the Screening Room.
Now I'm trying to figure out what I want to do. Go to bed? Stay up a little while longer? But, if I do stay up, what for? Not to just make love to the internet. I should either write some more here or do something else, maybe watch a movie or something? Hmmm...
Well, at the very least, I'm eating some leftover pizza from the BM-VM Holiday party, by God!

10:10 am

Wow, I really went to bed late last night.
I got around to watching another episode of MINDHUNTER again. I was watching that pretty steadily and then, well, I just got distracted with other stuff.
Anyway, I'm up, I just fed the cats, and now, breakfast for me...

11:32 am

Well, I have to be at work at 3:30 this afternoon.
After finishing the poster for A CHRISTMAS MONSTROSITY, now I want to get back to the idea I was obsessing about when I should have been working on the poster instead: that goofy, conceptually amorphous sci-fi comic with the female heroine, Stellara Ultranova. Of course, now that I'm done with the poster and have time to work on the sci-fi comic, I'm sure I'll have no interest in actually working on the sci-fi comic, because that's how irritatingly predictable my "motivation" operates.
Actually, from now until Christmas, I need to focus on Christmas. Like, getting whatever last minute gifts I have to get, cleaning up the house, and decorating. So, today, I have to clean.
But once Dec. 26 comes around, I'm going to try and throw together a short comic idea I have for the sci-fi comic. I'm thinking that the comic itself may be a sort of anthology of short stories set in the future that all happen to star Stellara (Ha! That sounds funny!) as the main protagonist, along with her supporting cast/friends. That's the idea I'm going with now. Also, I DO have to finish coloring the CHRISTMAS MONSTROSITY poster, too. I can't put that off indefinitely.
Although, and probably even more urgently then my desire to try out this sci-fi idea, the next thing I should be working on is my Apple Corps Comics (ACC) idea. At the beginning of the year, I was hoping to work on my ACC idea throughout 2019, and I figured if I did a page a week, it was going to take me until January 2020 to finish. Of course, I've done no real work on the story except for:

1. Coming up with a very basic concept - a grotesque parody of the Italian giallo;
2. Using the story as an unofficial introduction to my TABLE SCRAPS comic idea (a pseudo-funny animal comic).

So, obviously, my ACC story will move to 2020, now. What else is new? I'll try to write an actual outline for the story in January. Pam (my fellow - and only other - Apple Corps member) and I will have another Apple Corps meeting sometime that month and I'll use that meeting as an incentive to plan out my progress on the comic for the rest of the year.
Alright, time to clean the house, dammit.

1:17 pm

I'm still cleaning the house, dammit!, but I'm stealing a few minutes in my basement lair to write this.
So far, I've:

- Vacuumed the living room, the kitchen and the stairs to the upper hall.
- Shook out the living room rugs.
- Shook out the rugs, mats in both bathrooms and also the kitchen, then stuck them in the washer.
- Folded the laundry that's been in the dryer.

Alright, gotta get back at it...

1:32 pm

Oops, hang on:

- Put the washed mats and rugs from the washer into the dryer.
- Put a load of underwear in the washer.

Strap yourself in for... EXCITEMENT!

Tuesday, December 24 (Christmas Eve, duh!), 8:30 pm

8 DAYS UNTIL 2020!
Okay, so I worked from 12:30 until close today (6:15 pm). And man, I'm shot.
I've been home for about an hour and I still haven't changed into my house clothes.
And I still have to wrap Amy's presents.
I guess I'll just work through the night, at least for a little while until I seem to be actually doing something...
First, I'm gonna change out of my work clothes, by God.
And then eat something.

10:44 pm

OMG, I'm tired.
So:

- I wrapped a couple presents for my sister-in-law.
- I folded the laundry.

Wednesday, December 25, CHRISTMAS DAY (aren't you even paying attention..?), 9:00 am

Holy crap. I'm even more tired.
Well, probably because I stayed up all night - well, I didn't stay awake ALL through the night but it felt like it... I actually fell asleep for an hour or two after wrapping some gifts while watching THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW before waking up around 4:00 or so and then I continued wrapping Amy's gifts and putting some more ornaments on our tree. Oh, yeah, did I neglect to mention..? We put our little artificial tree up yesterday before I went to work. So, we're going to finish decorating it this morning, but I put a bunch of ornaments on it  around 6-6:30 am after I finally finished wrapping. I started decorating last night before I started wrapping presents, etc.

Friday, December 27, 2:45 am

5 DAY UNTIL 2020!
Ugh, I should go to bed.
I worked today and man, by the end of the day, I was really watching the clock. I was more than ready to go home. Probably still tired from Christmas when I pretty much stayed up all night wrapping presents and decorating the tree. Plus, I think my body is thinking of getting sick again. This morning before work, I "expelled" this disgusting, thick snot that I usually associate with when I have a cold. I was glad only that I got it out of my system. But, I don't know if I'm going to stave it off or not from being a full-blown cold. We'll see tomorrow.
Luckily, I have tomorrow off, so I'm going to try and sleep in.
Speaking of which, I should really go to bed.
Meanwhile, I STILL have 21,153 words to go if I want to make 30,000 words by New Year's Day, which averages out to 4,231 words/day.
NO WAY IN HELL THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
Well, we'll see...
Alright, I got snot running down my face.
Time to go beddy-bye.

10:05 am

Ugh.
Well, I'm awake. I woke up around 9:25.
I have a slight headache.
I'm also feeling a little cold. I can't tell if it's because I had the heat off while I slept or I'm slightly chilled from within, a symptom of my being sick (to whatever degree I'm sick).

12:05 pm

I fed the cats and had breakfast. Amy made breakfast burritos. She cooked up some scrambled "eggs" in one skillet and some "meat" crumbles in another pan. We had two large tortillas left and we each made a burrito. While she ate and read in the library, I ate in the TV room and put on The Criterion Collection's MULTIPLE MANIACS, written, directed, filmed and edited by John Waters. I specifically chose this film because I need to write a review for A CHRISTMAS MONSTROSITY, and elements of the film made me think of Waters' earlier films, so I decided to go all out and check out one of his films to put me in a reviewing mood. This was the only early Waters film I had in my DVD library, but then for Christmas, I got some more DVDs, including POLYESTER. Oh, I also have SERIAL MOM. I don't think I have any others. I'll have to check at some point.

12:40 pm

So, this blog of mine - this blog here, A Rambling Wastrel, I - is supposed to be a repository for my writing, like, essays, editorials, etc. (as opposed to film reviews which I have at this blog for film related matters) or even posts about writing. Writing or related miscellany. I guess this post is such miscellany. I'm mostly trying to get through the day here and occasionally jotting down some of my day and some of my thoughts helps me organize my thinking. Blog posts like this are probably the closest I'll get to tweeting regularly. Maybe. Well, just less succinctly. Um... maybe blog posts like this are probably the closest I'll get to... blogging.

Anyway, my mind was wandering and I was thinking about a variety of things related to local filmmaking (aka WNY filmmaking).
One of the things I started thinking about was what sort of topics I wanted to focus on at my film blog and I found I actually started such a topic back in January. The only thing I wrote was this:

1. Netflix Connection
2. WNY filmmakers
3. BM-VM
4. My own filmmaking efforts
5. Films I own
6. Films so bad they're... what?

Here's an ambitious venture with regards to number 2: committing myself to writing profiles about local filmmakers and also their films. Try to establish a document or documentation, like a history, maybe. Also, possibly, it could be a way of making some money if I publish them as books, inspired by the likes of BFI classics, kinda-sorta. Of course, that's assuming anybody else would be even interested in buying such books, hahaha! Well, first things first: first, create the product; then second, promote the product.

Saturday, December 28, 7:37 am

4 DAYS UNTIL 2020!
Oh, man. I'm not getting anything done. Being sick isn't helping. Nuts.
I'm still working my way through MULTIPLE MANIACS.
But we're leaving in less than two hours for Pennsylvania to visit friends and we'll back tomorrow.
I have to get ready for that.
Ugh.

Monday, December 30, 3:28 am

2 DAYS UNTIL 2020!
What the hell! I wrote a few sentences yesterday but of course, my wi-fi was iffy and it didn't save it. Grrr!
Whatever... I should really go to bed now and get a couple hours of sleep before going to work at 7:30.
I fell asleep earlier and had a weird dream that I don't remember and then woke up because Amy called out to me saying she was going to bed. Then I watched the rest of this documentary on Netflix called IRON FISTS AND KUNG FU KICKS which I thought was pretty interesting in terms of its chronology culturally showing the history of kung fu films and how the west picked up on it and how it influenced hip hop culture in the States and parkour in France. Also, I'll have to go back to it and take lots of notes on the various iconic kung fu films and start watching those.
I also finished watching MULTIPLE MANIACS, which was tough because I was tired and I kept falling asleep at the end and having to replay the last section. But I finally got through it. I started re-watching it with John Waters' commentary and I'll want to return to that because what he has to say is interesting. Although, you can hear the genuine sadness in his voice as he talks about how nothing is shocking anymore.
But, I really HAVE to go to bed.
Work will be miserable and I'll probably have some sort of "relapse" if the weather is going to be as bad as they predict it will be: lots of cold rain. Ugh...
Later!

January 1, 2020  1:16 am

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Okay, so no way in hell did I make my 50,000 word challenge, let alone my 30,000 word challenge.
Hell, I don't think I did 10,000 words, although, right now, I'm cheating, so maybe I'll make the latter.
At least there's a "precedent" (for my cheating) -- I'm extending my deadline until midnight tonight EST. I also cheated by "publishing" a handful of unfinished blog posts yesterday just so I could say I posted so many times on my blogs in 2019. I titled them "(works in progress)" intending to amend them, but I'll try to do so today to make it count for my 50,000 word challenge. But, we'll see about that...
Speaking of which, let me try to wrap this meandering post up to start...

2:39 am

Well, mostly I edited it. I didn't really add to much, just tried to clarify what I actually wrote before, the usual.
So, I'm going to bed.

WRITING GOAL CHECKLIST - 2019 (with follow-up update)

February 6, 2019

GOAL 1: READ MORE

GOAL 2: FILM BLOG: Write a review every month.

GOAL 3: ART BLOG: Write a post every month featuring new art.

GOAL 4: RAMBLING WASTREL, ETC.: Write 50,000 words of new blogging posts in 2019.
And/or 1 post/month.

GOAL 5: Write first draft of PUS MASTERS.

GOAL 6: Write first draft of THE RESURRECTION OF THE BLUE AGOUTI.

December 2, 6:53 am

Man, did I really come up with this list of writing goals almost 10 months ago? Fudge.
Let's see, after a quick glance, an UPDATE:

GOAL 1: READ MORE
I started reading MIDNIGHT MOVIE, a book by TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE director Tobe Hooper. I started it some time ago and forgot about it. Yeah, I was reading it at the cottage and we haven't been there, like, actually overnight, in a while... a couple years? Anyway, I was rooting through my backpack earlier this year and there it was, the paperback: "Oh, yeah! This!" I started reading it again from the beginning and was getting into it. There's a number of characters and the format is all first-person accounts of this bizarre take on a zombie-like plague, kinda-sorta, not your traditional zombies, more like when you get infected you go insane and destructive but there's also a physical infection and deterioration going on, too. I'm not exactly clear, to be honest. The best part, though, is that a couple conceits are that Hooper himself is a character and in the beginning, he's invited by a disreputable character to a screening at the SXSW festival of Hooper's  first film, something on 16mm that somehow this sketchy dude was able to get his hands on. The description of Hooper's early cinematic effort is fascinating and compelling, and the idea of that film even existing got me hooked. Unfortunately, the persistent first-person accounts is ultimately distancing and I sort of lost interest after getting fairly well into the book. So, I haven't picked it up in a few months. I should just finish it to tie up loose ends, though. In fact, when I re-started reading the book again it was to kill time while waiting while my car was being worked on at Walt's Garage. Now, I have some other repairs that have to be done again - big ones, too: four tires and rear brakes, ugh! - so maybe I'll get back into MIDNIGHT MOVIE within a week (since I need the repairs to pass inspection and my inspection was due, uh, last month...).

December 3, 8:58 am

So, I'm trying to finish up some posts that I started quite awhile ago, mostly to move forward on this 2019 50,000 word/blog-post challenge. Last year I got up to 29,000 words which wasn't too bad. I'm way behind right now. Although, I do have a private blog I started this year to address a more personal issue and I've written more on that than my public blogs, go figure: Private (15,550 words) vs. Public (7,090 words). Ah, well. I just need to keep plugging away.
Anyway, in a lot of these incomplete posts, I write a lot of lists. A LOT. I'm a compulsive and impulsive list writer. Part of me does it so I don't forget shit. A lot of me is a wishful thinker because I never seem to complete these lists (or posts).
So, it's kind of meditative to go through these old partial posts and see these lists and goals and tasks and ideas and I think it's a good idea to do an update to these things. It's a regurgitative process mentally and also from a reading and writing perspective. I'm re-reading a lot of things again and again, and that's interesting. It's like my annual New year's Resolutions. Usually the same resolutions make the list or are slightly modified. Maybe this step of the process - updating - will help me complete these things and then finally move on to the next level. At the very least, I'm getting some words down. It's like me getting steps!
Anyway, to continue...

GOAL 2: FILM BLOG: Write a review every month.
Well, I certainly haven't done that. Hell, I haven't posted ANYTHING on my film blog since LAST December. Shit!
So, having said that, the Netflix Connection thing I had going on with Mermaid Heather and Dawn Deader has pretty much bit the dust. I certainly contributed to its demise because of my, well, lack of contribution. Heather was really the only consistent writer of reviews and I was the worst, even though it was my idea in the first place.
Nuts.
Anyway, in the last couple months, my friends Rhonda and Mark Parker, who happen to be filmmakers who run Beaver Alley Studios, have been trying to do this streaming service for independent filmmakers through their studios. In addition, they want to add some original content to the site and one program includes reviewing films. We've been talking about me being a part of this reviewing endeavor, but we'll see. I initially said "sure," but now I'm having second thoughts because I'm not quite confident about my being on such a show. I mean, basically I feel fraudulent offering my thoughts on films by local filmmakers. But I do think reviewing local films is a great idea. So, I need to do that at least on my own blog.
But I haven't yet.

*sigh*

11:51 am

I'm going to piss this whole day away before I go to work, aren't I?
Grrrrr...
Man, I should have slept better last night.
Anyway...

GOAL 3: ART BLOG: Write a post every month featuring new art.
Okay, I haven't really created much new art, but I have been adding some more posts to my art blog because I've been thinking about how to develop this goofy Stellara Ultranova idea. But I definitely need to create some artwork. Right now it's mostly me yakking.

GOAL 4: RAMBLING WASTREL, ETC.: Write 50,000 words of new blogging posts in 2019.
And/or 1 post/month.
Yeah, I've been doing this and only lately, primarily starting last month, November, which is appropriate since November is when NaNoWriMo happens. Although mostly I've been focusing on my private blog (with a greater degree of success, and more for the reasons as to why I started that blog), which are all private (so they don't add to my public word count, natch!) and my art blog. So, I've been working on this goal moderately, but I'm way behind.

GOAL 5: Write first draft of PUS MASTERS.
GOAL 6: Write first draft of THE RESURRECTION OF THE BLUE AGOUTI.
Uh, no, neither of these have happened nor have I even started working on them. Re: BLUE AGOUTI, I had hoped to actually make a pseudo-teaser/trailer for my BM-VM Shorty Contest entry in the fall, but that didn't happen either. Somewhat related, over at Buffalo Movie-Video Makers (BM-VM), a local film society of cinemaphiles and amateur and more experienced filmmakers, the main group started a "splinter" group focused on screenwriting. The decision to start the BM-VM screenwriting group started with a discussion between myself, Leo Medico and Sabrina Pena Young and then we went ahead and started it. The original intent was to run it monthly like the regular BM-VM meetings, but in the couple years we've been doing it, we pulled that back a little bit to maybe every other month. Anyway, Leo and Sabrina have been unable to attend the screenwriting meetings due to a busy schedule, but local playwright/screenwriter Donnamarie Vaughan has joined along and has taken a pretty active interest in it and she's like co-heading it with me. Anyway, I bring up the group because it would seem to be a perfect vehicle for me to use to start working on either script and bringing in scene and getting feedback from the group. Except... I don't want to. I'd rather keep PUS MASTERS under tight wraps, keep it between just Carter Soles and myself. Carter initiated the project with a sort-of treatment/synopsis of a script and showing it to me and after reading it, I had some other ideas that sort of took it into a whole other different direction, which he liked, and we decided to collaborate on the script. This was way back in...2012. Holy crud. And I just looked that up, I didn't remember off-hand the year Carter sent me the script. Shit. Also, BLUE AGOUTI has some weird personal stuff (or have been inspiring some ideas to be included) I've been considering to put in the screenplay, so I think I'd feel self-conscious sharing it with the group. Anyway, I DO need to work on these screenplays, but right now, I have to get through some other projects first. Like, I have to do a poster/DVD cover design for Beaver Alley Studios' film, A CHRISTMAS MONSTROSITY and I do want to do a little something on this Stellara Ultranova comic book concept I've arbitrarily been obsessing about lately (okay, the latter is me being a "victim" of accidental inspiration - I saw a picture of a model on the internet named Emily and I thought she would be a good physical basis for a sci-fi heroine that I've been thinking off and on about doing, an answer to Barbarella, kinda-sorta. Anyway, I want to do some drawing to kind of take advantage of all the thinking and ideas I've been having recently regarding this concept. Maybe 2020 will be the year for either or both of these goals. Although, having said that and having brought up the BM-VM Screenwriting group, I should work on some screenplay with group, so i might just start another project. I've been watching a lot of dreck on streaming TV (Amazon Prime Video, Netflix, Shudder) , films I find fascinating even though I may not sit through them all the way through, or even like a little but it makes me think about filmmaking. Like, TERROR BENEATH THE SEA, ALL THE COLORS OF THE DARK, or even, HONKY HOLOCAUST. Yeah. So, I might start something as almost purely an exercise, something in the vein of Emir Skalonja's filmography. Emir is a local filmmaker who's made a bunch of extremely low-budgeted horror film features in the last few years and part of me is thinking, hell, if he can do it, why not me? At least one feature. So, that's where my thoughts are on that.
Yeah.

*ANOTHER sigh*

Okay.
I'm finally done with this one.

Dear Diary: A more "bloggy" attitude...

September, 2009 

...So, during one of our two weeks of vacation over the summer, we (my wife and I, natch!) were hanging out at our humble cottage in Canada. I always say "our humble cottage" because it is. I think people may be misled by the concept of a "getaway cottage" and envision something more elaborate, or indulgently luxurious.

It ain't.

It's very nice, but it's extremely simple and small. It was built from a kit (from Sears, I think) in the early 60s by my wife's father and her maternal grandfather. Mostly, it's an escape from the real world. For instance, there's no phones or internet.
Mostly, we go there to hang out and read, or write (my wife) or draw (theoretically me).
But, whatever. (Sorry for the self-conscious apologies...)

Anyway, I was working on a blog post one day over this vacation, and it went on forever. I told my wife this, "Man, this blog post I'm working on is taking forever!" and she goes, more or less, "That's not really blogging."
I'm terribly misquoting her, of course, I'm sure.
But my point is, and what I got out of that exchange, was this: I'm not in the frame of mind to just write something quickly and candidly when I post on one of my blogs. I tend to approach it like an article or essay or something. I think there's a place for those longer pieces of writing on blogs; in fact, a lot of the blogs I check out subscribe to this philosophy of extended self-expression. But, a more immediate, diary-like impulse makes up another aspect of blogging, I think, and that's something I need to get in touch with more.
Because, all I do is start things and never finish them!
Very frustrating.
So, anyway, I'm just saying, and warning you, I guess, dear reader, that I may try to be a little more spontaneous, for lack of a better word.
At the very least, perhaps I'll make more frequent appearances on my blog, huh? Huh?

Yeah.

Meanwhile, I still have remnants of my cold. I have a day off today (so I'm NOT playing hooky, so stop thinking I am!) but there are some things I should work on.

Ugh!

Right now, I feel like my life is a little bit of a mess, at least with regards to where I'm involved. So, I guess, I'M a little bit of a mess.

Lately, I've been feeling broke all the time, due to a combination of circumstances: the gradual cutting back of my hours at work as they try to save money at the company (they've slowly gone down to 37 hours from 40. Not a huge cut, but it's there.); the additional costs of our three cats all requiring separate kinds of food from the vet and one of them also being diabetic, so there's the cost of insulin, too; the cost of cat-sitting as we frequent our cottage during the summer (we take the diabetic cat but the the other two we leave home and so we have some cat sitters and that adds up as well).

[NOTE OF EDITORIAL INTRUSION: Because this post covers so much time, some contextual info, as best as I can remember it.
First, where I worked: Metro Community News. Metro was a weekly shopper paper (similar to a Penny Saver) and I worked in the printing department on their web press. Originally I was simply a fly-boy, one of the lower rung assistants in the department, but eventually I was promoted to roll tender (although I'm not sure if that happened yet at this time). As one of the roll tenders I'd be responsible for keeping the paper loaded and running on the press when we were printing. I would operate a clamp truck, similar to a fork lift, except instead of a "fork" for lifting wooden palettes, the truck had a set of jaws (or a clamp) that enabled me to grab a roll of paper to load on the end of the press. The rolls weighed approximately half a ton. At this point in Metro's history, the owners were having issues trying to sustain the level of income they were used to prior to the digital age due to the various alternative methods on the internet available to consumers to advertise things. See, a weekly shopper paper's bread and butter is classified ads. It would take another seven years, including a change in ownership, before the Metro Community News finally went belly up as Community Papers of Western New York in July 2016.
Second, our cats: we still had our three original cats! Our first born, (El) Zorro (the diabetic), and our first pair of siblings, Allie and Kodiak (Kody). Aww... ]

March 14, 2018

EIGHT AND A HALF FREAKIN’ YEARS LATER...

So, in my attempt to write 50,000 words of blog posts in 2018, I've been re-visiting the numerous unfinished blog posts I have at all three of my blogs but never finished or even re-visited again after my initial burst of inspiration, and this was one of them. I felt one of the ways I could address the frequency of posting on my blogs was to simply finish some of these damn posts I’ve started but now lie unfinished, three blog closets full of loose ends accumulated over the years... cripes.
This post’s title caught my eye. Even though I started it almost a decade ago, I understood what the title referred to (that whole exchange between my wife and I at the cottage).
In my various persistent ambitions to write more and draw more, I’m hoping that the increased consistent frequency of such activities will naturally improve my abilities in those areas. Of course, the key phrase here is “consistent frequency” and I’ve yet to establish anything like that, ever, except in terms of drawing decades ago, twice: 1) when I was working for two years during the 80s on The Record, the Buffalo State College newspaper, including a formal stint one year as Co-Graphics Editor and 2) a brief, glorious time when my friend, actress Lisa Ludwig, agreed to model for me as I did drawings of her from life. And then she got pregnant with her second child and that ended that. That kid, her son, has now been out of college for a couple years. I’ve yet to get back into a regular rhythm of drawing since then. And I’ve never had any period of time when I was writing (even blogging) regularly, as you can tell from my various blogs’ spotty archive history.

Although, this year (so far) I’ve made a little headway with regular posts.

December 16

However, NINE FREAKIN' MONTHS LATER...

What the hell.
So, my train of concentration is not really focused on any one thing, as usual, but I'm trying to plow through and get things done or wrap things up that I've started a while ago.
Right now, my biggest other "loose end" is our old house. We still own it and we're still making mortgage payments on it. But we've moved into our "new" house over a year ago.
So, this is becoming a huge issue because of the money involved. The house we live in now (my dad's old house which we inherited when he passed away in 2016, and also the house my family moved into in 1969, so I've actually moved back into my old family house) is paid for, so no mortgage payments there. But, paying the utilities for two houses is really beyond our current income, so I need to get my shit together and finish cleaning up the old house, etc.
But, I can't help thinking about personal projects and goals, like blogging more, making comics and movies, etc.
So, my focus is struggling TO stay focused.
Also, with the end of 2018 looming ahead and bearing down upon us very quickly, I keep thinking about things I wanted to do this year that I haven't accomplished and trying to see what I can salvage and also anticipating next year's goals. So, that's all in my brain right now.

Right now, my goals for the last 15 days of 2018 are:

1. Try to get over to the old house as much as I can and continue cleaning.
2. Get my Christmas shopping done.
3. Keep working on my 2018 goal of writing 50,000 words of blog posts (my progress is being posted in the margin to the right). I already know I won't complete 50,000 words before midnight, December 31, but I'm going to keep at it and by doing so I'll hopefully start developing some regular discipline of writing going into 2019. And then, re-set for myself ANOTHER goal of posting 50,000 words for 2019.
4. Try to clean my basement living space here in the new house. At the very least, set up my TV which I got LAST Christmas and also set up my drawing table. Plus, figure out where to put all these T-shirts that I have had folded and sitting in an orange laundry basket for several months now. These all seem like pretty simple, straight-forward goals, don't they?
5. See if I can somehow create at least one piece of merchandise on my Society6 account.

I think that's it.
Jeez, for me, that's enough.

December 17, 9:25 pm

ONE FREAKIN' DAY LATER...

Oh, that's actually not too bad.
Actually, just writing that I'll be back tonight after this month's BM-VM meeting.
I want to finish this post up, but I have a lot of running around today, including "zipping in" to Canada to take care of some banking. I'm just trying to stay focused (as I mentioned above) and apparently, that in itself is a task. I'll cut myself some slack and blame the general stress and attendant distractions that comes with it on Christmas preparations (just a week away!). Anyway, back tonight when I have a little more time.

December 18, 3:53 am

Arghh!
I'm a lost cause!
Instead of writing when I came home, I spent my time obsessively wasting my time searching for crap on the internet. Dammit!
Anyway, I should go to bed, but I'm trying to maybe jog my attention and thinking towards more constructive activities, like finishing this post just before I go to bed in the next 5 minutes or so, and maybe that will carry into my dreams and subconscious while I sleep and my brain will work on that... rather than the soul-destroying bullshit I was looking at for the past few hours (give or take... I dozed off a couple times so it wasn't completely a non-stop waste of time, I took spontaneous breaks. Whoo. Hoo.).

This makes me think of an idea I've had years ago and which still applies to me: the devil is laughing at me because I'm so easily tempted not so much into being evil but wasting my time. Although, much of my time is wasted on not the most uplifting subjects. I'll leave it at that.
So, let's talk about something else...

...Alright, it's after 4:30 am. I'm going to bed before I totally fuck myself up sleep-wise and rest-wise. I do have to work (and close) today, after all.
Ugh. I'm just pathetic.

8:16 am

Wait, did I just miss something there?
Ah, there's no fooling you, attentive blog reader! Or not.
Before I went to bed at 4:45(ish), I started writing about three filmmaker-related documentaries I recently watched on Netflix. And then I removed what I wrote.
While I've been trying to write more blog posts, I've noticed that some of my haphazard writing efforts on my three* blogs have caused a lack of thematic continuity, at least, among other content issues. In other words, I started writing about these filmmaker documentaries, but this morning I removed those paragraphs and started a new (unfinished) post on my film blog with those paragraphs because that's where those thoughts should be.
Yeah, "should."
Well, yeah. Should.
Arguably, all these blogs reflect myself, why not just write one single blog? Because I feel it makes more sense to have some idea of thematic organization, that's why I made a point of starting separate blogs.
So, there.

Good, I'm re-affirming my sense of writing purpose!
Alright, I should wrap this up. Writing purpose affirmations aside (why, yes, here's my business card), I'm having some difficulty trying to maintain the point of this particular post. Gee, I don't know why, I only started it OVER NINE FREAKIN' YEARS AGO.

I'll leave with a coming attraction of sorts, some ideas for my 2019 New Year's Resolutions. Actually, my resolutions are typically goals and creative projects I say I'm going to work on, like the aforementioned 50,000 words worth of new blog posts.
But I've been thinking more in terms of directions I'd like to pursue.
So, here's a list:

WHAT DO I WANNA DO (WHAT DO I WANNA BE) WHEN I GROW UP:

A debater
An essayist
A history major
A filmmaker (director, writer, editor)
A cartoonist (comic books, webcomics)
An illustrator/painter
A merchandiser and marketer (specifically re: WNY filmmaker Sam Qualiana's Metroshia Productions... more on this later)
A documentarian, historian about WNY filmmakers
Financially successful
Oh, and though I never think about it, but I should, a homeowner.

I think all my life I lacked actual ambition. I had daydreams of things I wanted to do, but I never really acted on it.
But, I'm going to be 59 in less than two months. In less than eight months I'll be able to withdraw from my IRA without a penalty. I'm getting old, man!
I need to fucking shit or get off the pot.
And on that note...

*kinda, sorta. Holy crap, I have so many blogs I've impulsively started, they're like bastard children I've fathered and abandoned during my impulsive and compulsively promiscuous youth, some of them forgotten but lying around somewhere on the internet. Right now, I'm focusing on the "main three": Behold! The Wanna-be Filmmaker/Etc., King of Unfinished Projects, and A Rambling Wastrel, I.

Dear Diary: Just trying to work through my inconsistent working habits...

December 3, 2018  11:08 am


Yo.
So, it's Monday and I have the day off. Actually, I had today and tomorrow off and then a guy at work, KJ, wanted to see the Sabres game tomorrow night. Anyway, after some schedule switching, etc. with another guy, he asked me if I wanted to work tomorrow from 7:30 am - 4:00 pm and I said sure. I work part-time but I like to have at least 30-32 hrs/week, and more if possible. This week I had three days off, so an extra shift, especially during Christmas month, is excellent news.
Coincidentally, I got a call this morning asking if I wanted to come in for a few hours because the person working today's 7:30 - 4:00 had availability issues and couldn't come in. So, they wondered if I wanted to come in for a few hours just to give some back-up for the two guys on already today.
I told them I couldn't because I had to do stuff today and I already got a shift for my other day off tomorrow. So, I had to turn them down, which I felt really bad about, but they understood.
Which brings me to my topic of today: how I invest my energies.

After working yesterday, a Sunday, which is typically pretty busy throughout, at least until 1:00 when the Bills game usually starts, I came home very tired, filled with the knowledge that I worked hard and consistently so throughout my shift. In general I think I'm a good worker, but yesterday I thought I worked particularly hard throughout the day. I think I have a reputation already for being a good worker amongst my colleagues and the management, but yesterday I thought my performance throughout the day underlined that fact, at least to me. I'm not saying all this to say how great a worker I am, but yesterday was just a solid fucking working day.
Having said that, I am nowhere NEAR as consistent applying the same productive energy to my own personal life: artwork, creative projects, household responsibilities, etc. And that's something I really need to address.

12:00 pm

Hmmm... if midnight is the "witching hour," what is noon?

1:20 pm

Well, so much for trying to work through chores and occasionally taking "little breaks" to write here a little bit. I've been pretty much goofing off on the internet for the last hour and 15 minutes.
Nuts.
Well, I was also FB messaging a friend, so that was constructive.

Man, all I want to do is eat and goof off.
ARGHH.

1:59 pm

Okay, dammit.
I put the wash in the dryer and put the underwear in the wash. But, I also made some Uncle Ben's Creamy Four Cheese Ready Rice! This Uncle Ben's Ready Rice is great! It reminds me of when I was a bachelor living at 78 E. Oakwood Pl in Buffalo and I would regularly eat Rice 'n' Sauce or make spaghetti but without sauce (so I didn't have to clean a pan!) and I would just use seasoned salt and hot sauce for flavoring. This Ready Rice is really awesome because you just microwave the package for 90 seconds, let it sit and then eat. You don't even dirty up a pan! Amazing! And they have a number of flavors, too.
NOTE: Alas, the house in Buffalo is no longer there. About five years ago I was shocked to discover the place was completely GONE. Poof! I drove over there just to check the place out and it was just a grass lot! Holy crap. So much for revisiting childhood memories.  :(

2:39 pm

Goddammit.
I am NOT getting ANYTHING done. Jeez, thank goodness for machines being able to wash and dry clothes or I wouldn't have accomplished anything today.
FUCK.
And oh yeah, so much for not swearing too much in my blogs.
ARGHH! Okay, I'm going to do... something...
*stomps off crankily*

3:15 pm

Okay, I cleared the kitchen sink, meaning I put the dirty dishes, etc. in the dishwasher or manually washed them, depending on whatever it was.
Next!

5:21 pm

I also folded some clothes and stuck a load of wet clothes in the dryer. Then I went outside and grabbed our extension ladder and trimmed some branches that were hanging over our front gutter. When they load up with snow, they dump the snow straight into the gutter and plug it up. Last year, the gutter seemed to be frozen in parts and overflowing. So, we assumed it was plugged a bit where the, uh, bush/tree/thing was hanging over it (I have no idea what kind of shrubbery it is, dammit!).
Then I dragged the trimmed branches to the back. We also had collected some branches from over the year and piled them in front of the garage out back. So, I picked those up as well and brought all of it to the way back and dumped it off. Then I hung up the extension ladder on the garage wall again and came back in.
Anticipating negotiating that extension ladder sort of kept me from jumping into doing this chore, but now that it's done, it really wasn't too bad and I'm glad I finally got it over with. Plus, I managed to, more or less, accomplish it while there was still overcast daylight outside.
Yay!
So, that was good.

But, it's dark now and my original plan to do some chores here before heading out to our old house and clean it some more didn't happen. I mean, I'm not going to the old house now. So, that was a fail on my part.
I'll have to try and make it up later in the week.

Meanwhile, while fucking goofing off on the fucking internet like a fucking fuck earlier today, I saw that Sam Qualiana, a local filmmaker, was selling on eBay an autographed copy of the script for his latest film, POST-APOCALYPTIC COMMANDO SHARK, including a magnet and DVD of the film as well. Or so I thought.
Now, in the last month or so, I've been talking a lot to Sam because of a number of creative accomplishments he recently had. In November, at the Buffalo Dreams Fantastic Film Festival, Sam premiered his latest film, the aforementioned POST-APOCALYPTIC COMMANDO SHARK (PACS). But he also revealed he had written a sci-fi fantasy/adventure novel called Journey of the Avenger and he was doing an Indiegogo fundraiser to raise the cash to pay for hiring an artist to do the cover and also to pay for self-publishing the book.
Anyway, cutting to the chase, both of those events kind of got me communicating with Sam far more often than I normally do. In fact, I was kind of going out of my way to see if he'd be interested in working together on some projects. And he was definitely interested.
One of the projects was doing a comic book adaptation of PACS and I thought that would be fun.
So, in an effort to both support Sam the filmmaker and also get a copy of the script to get some ideas for the comic book, I decided to bid on the script he had on eBay. Well, it was after I bid 26 bucks that I realized he was actually offering only the autographed script COVER PAGE, not the script with it.
Whu-- wait. What???
ARGHHH!

So, yeah, four hours later and the auction's over and I won the bid.
I then FB messaged Sam and said I was actually looking to buy the script and then realized my error, so I just straight out asked him for a copy of the script. He laughed and immediately sent me the files.
D'oh!
Buyer, don't make assumptions and read the product description better!

Whatever.
Anyway, I'm sure I'll elaborate more on my involvement with Sam and his Metroshia Productions film empire in future posts at my film blog. Stay tuned!

6:11 pm

Finally, I did ANOTHER impulsive thing today. I don't even know why I did it TODAY. I had been thinking about the idea off and on now for several months but there was no real reason to initiate anything towards fulfilling it today, but that didn't stop me because I'm compulsively impulsive.
Anyway, there's a young woman I know who is a big horror fan and she regularly participates in a local haunted house during the Halloween season. She also is an actress and that's how I first heard about her. She's starred in a couple movies made by local low-budget horror auteur Emir Skalonja (which is where I really first heard about her), but I made a point of contacting her after she did a short film with John Karyus last year, made by Rochester filmmaker Curt Markham. I'm friends with Curt and John and I loved Curt's short film, so that prompted me to FB friend request her and she accepted. Anyway, I had this art idea percolating in my brain for a few years but I actually thought about using another local model, but for some reason I was going back and forth about it. But after seeing this other actress and hearing how enthusiastic she was about the horror genre, she seemed a better fit with my idea.
Anyway, I happened to be commenting on a FB status she made today, and I think that's what arbitrarily prompted me to propose this project to her. Since I haven't heard back from her yet, I'm going to hold off revealing her name.
But, stay tuned for that as well.

Alright, I'm gonna end this.
My wife's home and I should eat. Plus, I could probably do something else constructive tonight.
Oh! Actually, I have to watch a movie and then review it. So, I do have shit I have to do!

Later!

Please excuse my whiney stream-of-conciousness.

November 26, 2018  9:52 pm

GOD, I hate everything.
NO, actually, I don't hate EVERY thing. There is some degree of sustained self-loathing going on, but actual, active hating on anything or anyone else, no.

I'm restless and distracted because there's so many things to do or that I want to do, but nothing can be done quickly. I need to just focus on one thing at a time. there's no short cut to getting all this shit done. Instead, I just need to pick a project/objective and then proceed to fulfilling the needs of each particular project.

But right now I just want to eat.
Right now I just want to sleep.
Right now I should do something constructive, like some domestic chore; nothing elaborate, just something simple, like, folding laundry. or cleaning up some of my basement living quarters.


10:27 pm

Well, okay. I folded some laundry.
Whoo. Hoo.
WOW, I'm really in a shitty mood.
Okay, I think I know why, too.
I haven't gotten enough sleep lately. Today was my day off but I didn't really sleep in. And I don't usually go to bed at any reasonable time, either. And my job requires some steady physical exertion. And I'm fucking 58 years old. So, all this adds up to: GET MORE SLEEP, OLD MAN.
Yeah, so not enough sleep and then just general stress and/or obsessive preoccupations with matters that I don't seem to actually try to deal with. Like, thinking about stuff to draw, or film, and having various ideas for comics, film, whatever, and then, when I have an opportunity towards working on any of these ideas, etc., I don't. Instead, I go braindead on the internet. Or I sink to deeper depths and rush over to free porn on-line. Porn, for god's sake! I'm a fool.


November 28,  2:36 am

I should go to bed. "Get more sleep, old man," indeed. Although, actually, I did fall asleep on my bed, then had to get up to go the bathroom. So, I'm off to slumberland again, but let me try to move a little further along in this post.
Tonight we had another BM-VM Screenwriters meeting at the Alberta Dr. Wegmans. This is the second season we're doing this. We initiated this second group of meetings apart from the main group, the Buffalo Movie-Video Makers. I just thought it would be constructive to establish a core group of local writers and a meeting place for them. Also, BM-VM's core meeting structure (starting at 7:15, a 10-minute intermission, ending at 9:00) seemed somewhat restrictive to any extended discussion of screenwriting, too. Well, okay, that's debatable. But, I think the club's interests for a focus on screenwriting was limited, so attempting to form a splinter group seemed like a worthwhile experiment, and I think we're getting some traction. I'll elaborate more on my movie blog at some point.

Meanwhile, it started snowing yesterday afternoon and there's a winter advisory going on until 6 pm today. And so, yeah, I should go to bed because I have to open today at work and I'll have to deal with snow and that assorted winter bullshit. Ugh.

I was thinking about the fastest way to get my word count and I started thinking about THE SHINING and Jack's novel-writing efforts.
Maybe if I just kept repeating "All work and no play makes a Jack a dull boy." over and over ad nauseum. Let's see... count that sentence as 11 words, divide into 50,000... so I just have to write 4545.454545 times.
Er... nope.
But, an interesting thought. Okay, if I did do something like that (um... cheating), I'd have to come up with a more appropriate phrase. Like...

Um...

"Time waits for no man."
Okay, that has more significance for me, but it's only 5 words, so I'd have to repeat that 10,000 times.
"I hate everything."
No! That's only three words!
Actually, wait: "I hate everything. No. That's not true. I sometimes feel that way at my most frustrated, but what I actually feel is not hate for the world, but self-loathing."
Ah, who wants to read THAT over and over again.
Screw it.

Oh, I came to sort of a realization/epiphany about my stalled approach to wanting to do a comic for myself: remove some of my restrictions/ambitions. Specifically, allow myself to be free to create a story and draw using all the generic, derivative conventions of comic stories I'm used to. Like, genre tropes, typical depictions of female characters, etc. That's the main reason I want to make comics is to work in these tropes. But then I feel self-conscious about doing something so stereotypical and derivative. Then it occurred to me, that's my older creator speaking, the personality that wants to create something "lasting" instead of something disposable. But, then it occurred to me that since I haven't produced that much art/comics, part of my need to create still resides in a much less developed artistic self, who still has to take his beginning steps, who has to learn BY treading these derivative paths of self-discovery. Once I do these for awhile, I think some developing maturity will  kick in and I'll start to be compelled to do something more than just create sexy babes, etc.
So, with that in mind, I have an idea for a title to experiment with such drivel: GROTESQUE: SUPERLATIVE TALES OF DERIVATIVE BULLS#!T. That's my self-conscious title.
We'll see if that frees me up to finally start putting ideas down on paper that actually sticks.

ARGH!! 3:18 am!
Alright, I'm off to bed again.

...to be continued...

Dear Diary... Still trying to get my shit together. Oh, and it's also time for NaNoWriMo!!!

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Dear Diary:

Well, I'll try something here. I'm calling these "Dear Diary" posts (at least, for now) because I'm sort of in a ruminative mood but also working on other stuff in the house. So, I'm


Wednesday, November 2

Hahaha.
Well, I must've had a burning desire to write something down on October 23.
Yeah.

Dear Diary:

Well, I'll try something here. I'm calling these "Dear Diary" posts (at least, for now) because I'm sort of in a ruminative mood but also working on other stuff in the house. So, I'm

I got interrupted  (distracted? bored?) in mid-sentence and I never went back to it. Although, at two words it really wasn't much of a mid-sentence. So, I'm not sure what I was going to saying in that sentence.
Kind of sums up my blogging output: iffy content and incomplete.

But, that's not why I'm here now.

My original intention was to sort of think out loud as I was doing chores in the house. Little drive-bys at the computer keyboard as I tried to be productive around the house. Well, that didn't quite work out, but I'm sure that impulse will come up again. So, moving on...

Since October 23, Time and Life continued to move along.
On my film blog I tried to do this thing I called the October/Halloween CRAM-A-THON. The goal was to watch 31 "Halloween" movies during October. The initial impulse was to watch horror films, but then some other genres snuck in there (a pair of Marvel superhero films), so I opened it up to more genre-y fare but not necessarily horror. Anyway, I wasn't completely successful, but I did see a lucky 13 films, which wasn't bad. If I kept up that pace of movie-watching through the year, I'd be at 130 films (instead of at 69 films, so far). So, okay. Not successful, but an improvement. Similar to my usual mantra, "Better late than never" and "I'll take what I can get." Um, and "Completion not perfection" is in there, too.
I was also hoping to write some more blog posts (namely movie reviews) for the CRAM-A-THON but that didn't happen at all. But, that's okay, because it's November. Time for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month)! So, I'm going to subvert the initial intentions of the early 30 day challenge to write the first draft of a 50,000 word (at least) novel and just focus on trying to increase my blog post output (by a coincidental minimum 50,000 words).
Most of those blog results will be at my film blog, especially with this year's Buffalo Dreams Fantastic Film Festival starting in just 2 days (Friday, November 4).

But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

January 1, 2017

...Or not.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

But, I digress.

So, yeah, as I mentioned above my so-called CRAM-A-THON only achieved modest success in that I actually saw some movies, just not 31 of them. Instead, I was dyslexic and managed 13.

However, though that battle was lost, the year-long war was more successful.

November 23, 2018  12:52 am

Well, here we are, almost two years later.

52 minutes ago was Thanksgiving Day, just to give you some sense of where we are in time, if not space.

I've only recently started looking at old, unfinished blog posts and seeing what I can finally wrap up in an attempt to:

- Finish something;

- Get back to working on my 2018 New Year Resolution to write 50,000 words of blog posts over the course of the year.

- Uh, that's about it.

Anyway, it's both interesting and constructive re-reading these post fragments. Some of these pseudo-posts are so impulsive that when I re-read them their subject matter is somewhat alien to me. I mean, yes, I actually wrote these things, but some things don't ring a bell. I'm, like, really, I wrote this? I thought this? For instance, in this very post, above I talk about my usual mantra, "Better late than never." Yes, I say that a lot and that really is my mantra, especially when it comes to creating something/anything for a deadline. But, in the same sentence I also add, "I'll take what I can get" and also add, "completion not perfection." Both of those are additional pseudo-mantras I made up while writing in the moment, but I don't really say either of those things to myself or even feel that way.

Especially, "I'll take what I can get." That really means nothing to me. It sort of sounds similar to "Things can always be worse," at least, in terms of the spirit of it, although "things can always be worse" sounds more like a constructive, positive approach to Life, while "I'll take what I can get" sounds more desperate to my ear; although, I can also see how it can be used in the same constructive, positive spin as the other saying. Anyway, more to the point, "I'll take what I can get" is not something I really say or embrace at this moment. I don't know what I was on when I said that above.

However, in hindsight (and conjecturing out of my ass), "completion not perfection" sounds like a spontaneous pep-talky aphorism I spewed out. It's not a bad principle to follow while striving towards the goal of finishing projects and following through on various impulsive objectives I have. But, so far, I haven't really followed through enough on things to actually try and use this mantra regularly, so it's still an abstract idea to me, if that makes any sense. But, having said that, maybe I should try to adopt that as an active approach to following through on ideas, projects, and general Life objectives.

And maybe I will, goddammit.

Sorry, it's the holidays and that's adding stress, i.e. I'm swearing more, motherfucker!

It's also getting near the end of the year and all my resolutions are starting to re-surface, goals I've optimistically set to accomplish in 2018 that I soon forgot about, or more to the point, I didn't then attempt to come up with a strategy/strategies to accomplish those goals. So, my frustration at seeing yet another unsuccessful year at accomplishing my list of recycled New Year's objectives is bubbling up as well.

BUT... I ain't dead yet. And the year ain't over.

There is another saying I sometimes use, especially when I feel overwhelmed about accomplishing something that seems to have too many components to it: ""One day at a time."

I don't know if that saying has a biblical origin or not, or if it's origins are primarily from 12-step programs (I'm pretty sure it's one foundational saying from Alcoholics Anonymous (or any other addiction recovery program) as members attempt to stay sober and work their way through each day to avoid drinking alcohol and remain clean. Although, in this case, I'm not trying to give up a destructive habit so much as trying to establish a constructive habit. And more specifically here, that constructive habit is trying to post more often in my three blogs. 

Okay, bla bla bla.

Let me try to wrap up here and actually focus on what I think may have been the original subject of this particular post when I started writing it over 2 years ago...

November 26,  6:28 pm

Well, Thanksgiving not only signals the arrival of the shopping season, but also the holidays in general as we prepare for Christmas and then New Year's Eve. So, for me, it's kind of awakening my usual panic or despondency about how little progress I've made with my list of New Year's Resolutions/Goals for the Year.
So, with 35 days left to 2018, let me re-commit to, at least, trying to achieve some of my goals for the year.

1. Watch 100 movies.
2. Write a blog post a month for each of my three blogs (i.e. 12 new posts each).
3. Finally do my comic book story for the Apple Corps Comic. In my original game plan which I mapped out at the beginning of the year (more or less), I felt a reasonable goal was to accomplish writing, penciling and inking my 12 page story for the comic by the end of January 2019. So, I'm going to see how much I can achieve of this still.
4. Create a product to sell on Society6.
5. Get our old house on the market.

So, we'll see how that works out.

...to be continued